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THE BEAST IN THE CELLAR
(1971)
Directed by James Kelley
905 Entertainment DVD
Reviewed 03.01.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
I've never given much thought to
what goes on behind senior citizens'
locked doors. Lots of Thank You
card writing? Plenty of closet arranging?
Maybe a little psychological brainwashing
and inadvertent murder? Now we're
talking.
Love grows where my Rosemary goes
and nobody knows...Like The
Beast In The Cellar. Take the
trashified powers of British producers
Tigon (Blood On Satan's Claw),
bubblegum crooner Tony Macaulay
(aka Tony Burrows aka the hit-maker
behind "Love Grows Where My
Rosemary Goes"), and a couple
of old bitties with a dirty little
secret. Then, beg them all to sit
around a Harpsichord and sip cocoa
while discussing "the good
old days." The evening might
turn out better than you think.
Lincolnshire, UK. On the outskirts
of an army training camp, strange
mutilation murders are plaguing
the troops. Is it a "peuuuma"?
A leopard? Nonsense; just ask Ellie
and Joyce Ballantyne, two elderly
sisters that live in a dusty old
house on the corner of no man's
land. They know all about the screeching-synth
gore, but they're playing dumb.
Secrets will do that to you. The
connection between the ladies and
the murders is immediate, but the
explanation is not. Therefore, we're
invited to a spend a splendid few
days with the Ballantynes, as their
secrets reveal through flashbacks
and living room chats. I guess decades
of oppressive confinement in a pitch
black cellar might crinkle a guy
up. Stephen? Is that really
you?
A little over half of The Beast
In The Cellar is spent in the
presence of Ellie and Joyce. While
they talk. Thankfully, the film
has plenty of junk in the trunk
to pull up the rear. Compared to
the collected pace of the film,
the "beast" kill scenes
are berserked uppers; disorientating,
violent, and effective. The sudden
agitation peaks the curiosity presented
by the script, especially when things
don't always make sense. James Kelley's
direction (he also wrote the script)
is entirely straight forward, making
way for the chilled winter atmosphere
and breezy soundtrack from Mr. Burrows.
There's a slight effort to line
the whole thing with some anti-war
advice, but Kelley's not fooling
anyone. Beast is a straight-up
shocker, bolstered with a unique
set of characters, a few strained
plot points, and some creepy imagery.
It's not enough to fully enthrall
you, but the experience is never
less than satisfying.
Still eyeing the cocoa? Joyce spiked
it with tranqs, so enjoy the freedom
while it lasts. Yes, I'm looking
at YOU, Stephen.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Paragon should call in the suits.
From the bad tape rolls and occasional
blips, it's obvious that this DVD
was sourced from a VHS tape. It's
a dark, rough print and the mono
sound suffers from tunnel syndrome.
The contrast was overly tweaked.
A bit of shimmery compression was
evident over neutral-colored backgrounds.
Not too hot at all.
EXTRAS
905 Entertainment is on a roll.
Awful 90s cover art and four chapter
stops meet the bar set by The
Final Terror.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Obscure 1970s UK cheapies are almost
always good for a nice night of
well-grounded trash. The Beast
In The Cellar carries on that
tradition. Due to the DVD's shoddy
presentation, a solid rental is
the only way to go. |
Drama in the foyer
Beast mystique
Away with the pixies
Blood maps
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