BOARDINGHOUSE (1982) Directed by John Wintergate
Code Red DVD
THE FILM
Isn't Boardinghouse just nuts? One of those films that slipped sideways from a world where this sort of thing happens all the time. "Boardinghouse? That's my Nana's favorite!" says the strange man from the other world. It is a film with human beings in it but possibly not made by human beings. Maybe it comes from the Duck world that Howard comes from. It's what they think humans get up to on average days. I wish I knew the answers. Well, technically, I do. I have the DVD. It tells me everything I need to know...if I choose to listen. Regardless, my thoughts behind Boardinghouse are scrambled ones but I will try to ferret out a few in the next batch of paragraphs. Then, DVD talk.
(Oh, real quick: Be wary of HorrorVision. The sound and the glove sometimes appear a little too late to look away.)
Is this a bad film? Are you at the right website? Have you read our reviews of Tales From The Quadead Zone and Night Of Horror? Keep on moving, buddy. Nothing for you to see here. Boardinghouse is a very entertaining film that, for some reason, isn't my favorite. In theory, this film is one of the best around. And yet, I don't watch it nearly as much as The Last Slumber Party or Don't Go In The Woods or Ogroff. I would never show it to someone who wanted to see a strange, strange film for the first time. LSP is the one to use there. Boardinghouse is for the seasoned veteran because, I think, of its length and lack of narrative drive.
The only thing that actually disappoints me about Boardinghouse is the fact that I think it's too long. At times it seems like a bunch of folks just having fun in front of the camera with no one actually saying "Hey, folks! This is a movie! Let's get back on track!" The Howling: New Moon Rising and Curse of the Headless Horseman are the same way. But, something about Boardinghouse makes it less of a good time than those two. I don't quite know why.
OK, I've thought about it and I may have I figured out why it feels strange to me. Watch the first 10-13 minutes. They are kind of creepy and strange. Now, watch the scene much later on the beach where are star gets clubbed in the head with a rock. Apart from a strange line reading, the death of that woman is rather grotesque. What do these two bits have in common? No Kalassu. Most (definitely not all) of the folks in the film look like they're making a horror movie. They may be having fun but they're trying to bring some gravity to the situation. Now, watch when Kalassu shows up. Charming, yes. Attractive, yes. Having fun, she sure is. And, she isn't buying a minute of it. Not for one second do I believe that she's doing anything but hanging out and having a good time. The other folks can try and act like they're in a horror movie all they want but when she's on the screen everyone's just goofing around. So, there are two movies going on here: The one about all the killings and the one about the woman in the band, with the cat and the in-jokes galore. Both movies are fun to watch. But, when your lead is goofing around all the time, it's tough for your film to be anything but a series of scenes. There's no build. There's no drive. That's not a bad thing. But, at 98 minutes long, I do always find myself glancing at the clock now and then.
I might like the lengthy trailer for Boardinghouse a bit more than the movie. But, that doesn't mean I don't like the movie. It's sleazy and strange and sloppy and so much fun. I'd love to see it on the big screen with a confused crowd.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
The video is brighter and looks much clearer than the VHS. Still sleazy looking, though. The audio is a bit goofball, though. It has stereo separation that is odder than the Terror at Tenkiller DVD. Music and sound effects are on one side. (Along with any interior chatter.) The dialogue is on the other. It's very distracting. Mr. Skull presents his theory on what has happened here:
"My most educated guess? The original tape masters were mixed in stereo (as they appear on this DVD), then pressed to mono on the VHS tapes. Paragon's mistake. Our gain. My most hopeful guess? Some of the cocaine which fueled the making of this film was secretly discovered and appreciated while the DVD audio tracks were being finalized. Everybody wins."
Also, the opening computer scrawl has had the constant beep-beep-beep replaced by Mr. Wintergate reading the scrolling text. Not a big thing, you might say? Well, I guess not. I don't like it, though. I can read. I don't need someone reading it for me. And, he sound as if he's reading it off the screen as we're seeing it rather than being contemporaneous with the text. It's distracting.
EXTRAS
Great trailers. Although my all-time favorite Boardinghouse trailer is only on the VHS. I skipped the commentary and the on-camera interview because I didn't need this one altered in my mind while I was watching. Some Code Red DVD trailers add extra zazz.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Buy the Boardinghouse DVD. Code Red deserves your support. There are a few niggling things that bugged me but...My recommendation is this: 1) Buy the DVD. 2) Make a DVD-R of the Paragon VHS, including the trailer. 3) Throw the DVD-R into a little white envelope and slip it onto the clips on the inside of the DVD case. Voila! The perfect 2-DVD edition of one of the oddest films around.
— Dan Budnik, 05.21.09 | 
The Movez
Tapped out
Dad...?
No Kalassu
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