CHILDREN
SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS
(1972)
Directed by Bob Clark
VCI Entertainment DVD
Reviewed 04.08.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Warning! While viewing Children
Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things,
you may be tempted to let your mind
wander and doze. You might even
tell yourself it’s ok to “rest”
those eyes, if only for a second.
My friend, don’t do it! Wrap
around the moog score, envelope
yourself in the spookhouse-like
charms, and ye shall be rewarded.
After a fantastic opening featuring
a couple of ghouls in a cemetery,
effeminate Alan and his hip acting
troupe charter a sailboat to an
abandoned burial island. It seems
Mr. Bigshot wants to dabble in a
touch of witchcraft and satanism,
performing an ancient rite on a
freshly un-dug corpse. For some
reason, the group of five go right
along with Alan and they start to
incant it up. We never find out
why, but that’s ok -- the
weirder, the better, right? Moving
right along, it’s revealed
that Alan’s spell will raise
all of the dead bodies in the island
cemetery from their graves. But
wouldn’t you know it? The
spell is a dud. What a gip. Wait!!
Did I just see that corpse’s
finger twitch?
Children is about
as good as it gets with bizarre
70s horror films. Although the acting
is often terrible, the clothes are
hilariously dated, and the character
of Alan easily gets my vote as the
most repugnant bastard in film history,
you can’t deny the truly odd
aura that oozes from each frame.
At first, it’s all bad one-liners
and cheap dialogue. Get used to
that, as there are very few moments
of excitement during the first hour
or so. Thankfully, things start
getting strange midway through and
it just doesn’t let up. Want
a taste? How does a mock wedding
ceremony between Alan and a male
corpse sound? Did I mention it all
takes place in a cemetery?
Like the old saying goes, they saved
the best for last. Expect some blood,
a lot of fog, and the best looking
zombie attacks I’ve seen outside
of Mr. R’s trilogy. Things
get genuinely creepy and you’ll
forget all about that first hour...
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Children is presented
in decent non-anamorphic widescreen,
with nary a scratch to be found.
This is a very dark looking picture
(it all takes place at night) and
lighting seems to change from cut
to cut, which gets to be a bit bothersome
in spots. The mono sound was a slightly
muffled and I noticed some vague
compression, which is expected given
the dimness of the film itself.
EXTRAS
I would have loved a commentary
or featurette, but what’s
here is nice. There’s an interesting
trailer featuring footage that doesn’t
appear in the film, a brief poster
art gallery, and bios for Bob Clark
(director) and Alan Ormsby (Alan,
of course!).
FINAL THOUGHTS
The premise of this film was completely
outlandish. I really enjoyed my
first viewing and it seems to get
more effective as time goes by.
Some may be turned off by the obvious
annoyances, but this movie is still
worth a look, especially for the
uninitiated. And you thought Bob
Clark was only good for Porky’s. |
Anya is concerned
Alan gets goofy
Death of a caretaker
Orville Z. Ombie
|
