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CHOPPING MALL (1986)
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Lions Gate DVD
Reviewed 07.06.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
I am no longer 12 years old. On
certain nights, that's a real bad
break.
The Izod polo shirts were there.
I'm pretty sure I saw a Casio boombox,
too. And yes, some guy actually
grunted, "Let's send these
fuckers a Rambo-gram!" Theoretically,
Chopping Mall should have
knocked me into the middle of next
week. For 40 minutes, it did. At
50 minutes, I grabbed a clothespin
and placed it on my nose. The pain
was intense. The act was necessary.
Somehow, I couldn't connect with
the simple concepts of shooting
guns, saying "fuck", and
running away from "ro-butt"
garbage cans for 40 consecutive
minutes. Where for art thou, R.O.T.O.R.?
A group of twenty-something 80s
hipsters (plus two nerds, one of
which is named Ferdie -- haw haw!)
work in a mall. They decide to throw
the ultimate party; brewskis, dirty
dancing, and all-night sexy acts
after the mall locks down. But,
lo! Lightning strikes. The new Killbot
security guards (they look like
lil' Go-Bots) get a short circuit,
so they're out to kill. Bump. Bump.
The robots shoot pink laser beams
and one of them blows up after a
golf cart fender-bender. A girl's
head explodes. Many boobs are on
display. Eventually, the movie ends.
Clearly, I have a problem. Clearly,
this is it: Intentional flippancy
rarely works in cheap 80s horror
films. From Doom
Asylum to Spookies,
the combination of tongue-in-cheek
cracks and snarky horror trappings
only lead to trouble. Chopping
Mall, film number two from
incredibly prolific low budget director
Jim Wynorski, feels some of that
heat. Post-kill one-liners? Parodic
machine gun machismo? Ouch! The
simplistic dose of mid-80s fashions,
locations, and smells were unparalleled,
but shifting from semi-slasher comfort
to action-orientated repetitiveness
dampened any lingering fun. Disinterest
resulted from the goofy tone, despite
some tight photography and a well
stretched budget. Oh well. At least
Hide And Go Shriek
and Phantom
Of The Mall learned what
NOT to do.
Chopping Mall would've
been a big hit at one of my seventh
grade slumber parties. So would
a pay-per-view unveiling of "Summer
Slam '89". Do you get me?
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Lightning strikes! Twice! Lion's
Gate struck this DVD directly from
Lightning Video's 1987 master; the
Lightning ad and logo montage after
the closing credits are a good tip-off.
The full frame print is highly contrasted,
slightly dark, and sometimes grainy.
Colors were flat. Compression artifacts
never showed their ugly faces. The
stereo sound was loud and crisp.
Overall, the presentation looks
better than an old ex-rental, yet
still retains that 1980s home video
gusto. You couldn't ask for more.
EXTRAS
If you're a lover of Chopping
Mall, the supplements will
make your day. The big party lies
in a chipper commentary track from
director-writer Jim Wynorski and
writer-second unit director Steve
Mitchell. Both filmmakers are excited
to be talking about Chopping
Mall and their infectious banter
leaves no room for filler. They
point out cameos from Roger Corman
vets (Corman's daughter, Julie,
produced the film for Dad's Concorde
at the request of Vestron Video),
touch on all of the actors' backgrounds,
and give a thorough insight into
what it was like to shoot in a mall
for over a month. Wynorski reveals
that he was originally hired to
make a straight-up slasher ala Phantom
Of The Mall for Vestron, but
the influence of 1954's Gog
changed all that. Dammit, Gog.
Also included is "Chopping
Mall: Creating The Killbots,"
a self-explanatory 15 minute featurette
with Robert Short (Killbot creator),
Jim Wynorski, and Steve Mitchell.
There's some overlap with the commentary
track and the subject matter spreads
pretty thin. Pulling up the rear
is an excellent theatrical trailer
(featuring some extra footage) and
a healthy photo gallery.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Ye shall be deceived. Chopping
Mall has one of the greatest
titles of all time, but the intentional
dumb fun gets way too dumb. Especially
if you're an adult. View with caution. |
Hearts of glass
I want one
Stop laughing
Death by glasses
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