GRADUATION
DAY (1981)
Directed by Herb Freed
Troma DVD
Reviewed 04.13.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Back in the third grade, gym class
was always awkward when they pulled
out that Port-A-Pit. Jumping on
a gigantic sponge ruled, but when
it came time to compete, I was a
twig with no skillz. A good time,
but not really. Kind of like Graduation
Day; hey, this movie has a
Port-A-Pit too!
I enjoyed director Herb Freed’s
down and dirty Haunts,
so I approached this prime-era slasher
with open arms. At the very least,
it’s well crafted with manic
edits and filled with eccentric
quirks. More often, the film is
a plotless wreck with way too much
time to fill. There should be a
rule against 97 minute slashers
with three “almost”
endings, complete with a clause
about overused gymnastics padding.
At least it was true to life: the
high school coach was a Grade-A
Asshole.
Competing to the strains of the
disco hit “Everybody Wants
To Be A Winner,” Laura drops
dead at the end of a track race.
Heart attack? Blood clot? The day
before H.S. graduation, a black
gloved killer begins bumping off
the remaining members of the track
team. Mr. Black Gloves carries a
stop watch, wears a fencing mask
and sweatpants, and times each creative
death, whether it be by high jump
spikes, a football sword, or a good
ol’ throat slashing. Meanwhile,
the film introduces our roving cast
of characters: Anne, Laura’s
hard nosed Marine sister with nothing
to do, super peeved Coach George
Michaels (Christopher George), tight-pants
Principal Guglione (Michael Pataki),
the Linnea Quigley deflowerin’
music teacher, and Laura’s
way-too-old-to-be-a-teen boyfriend,
Kevin. Everybody’s a suspect.
Everybody’s pretty cranky.
The plot means nothing until they
spell it all out towards the end.
Thank goodness for the musical interludes.
While you’re twiddling your
thumbs and waiting for a goofy death
scene (colorful b-actors with a
lousy script can only get you so
far), take note of this stuff: an
acoustic jam session in the cafeteria,
a never-ending rollerink appearance
by a god awful, off key butt-rock
band called “Felony,”
a girl shaving her legs in a school
sink, the hilarious nightclub piano
gems from a horny choir teacher,
and a guy saying “The world
is my toilet,” while pissing
on a tree. The weird happenings
make the film tolerable, but Graduation
Day is still just an overlong
(cut those chase sequences!), semi-literate
slasher that lacks cohesiveness.
Before I forget, Vanna White has
a small role. Nobody cares.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
The full frame director’s
cut print (97 minutes!) looks like
it was sourced directly from a VHS
master. The picture is most likely
clearer than the film has ever looked,
but there’s some very slight
ghosting and the colors are pretty
washed out. The mono sound was trying
to break free of the two-ton tape
hiss, but I’m not sure it
was successful.
EXTRAS
Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman introduces
the film; offers up nothing of importance
and makes an extremely off-color
remark regarding the Columbine High
School massacre. Totally inappropriate,
no matter the intention. In addition,
Sgt. Kabukiman pointlessly interviews
Linnea Quigley for five minutes
(she looks a little pale), trailers
for five Troma films are featured,
and there’s a couple of Troma
promo reels: how to create a fake
arm-ripping scene and a segment
for Lloyd’s second book. The
disc also offers English subtitles.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Graduation Day throttles the line
between hilarious fun and confused
boredom. It’s not completely
worth your time, but if you feel
the need, rent the DVD or pick up
an old VHS for $1. Don’t waste
your money on a purchase. |
Seriously, you look great
Picking off the team
Robert Smith he ain't
The poor dead jock
|
