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HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE (1980)
Directed by Armand Mastroianni
Warner Brothers DVD
Reviewed 07.05.07
Review by Dan Budnik
THE FILM
Not only does he know you’re
alone but he knows your tailor and
he knows where you go to get ice
cream and he knows when you’re
looking out your kitchen window.
When Michael Myers appears one moment
and then is gone the next, there’s
something about his presence that
makes it work. Something about the
movie itself. He Knows You’re
Alone has its killer do the
same sort of thing. But, the killer
here doesn’t have the same
epic evilness about him. Oh, and
he’s a sneerer.
I just imagine that our killer positions
himself near the kitchen window
of Amy (our Final Girl, played by
Caitlin O’Heaney). He looks
at his watch a bit. “Ten minutes.
God…she’s up. I saw
her moving around. When is she going
to go to the sink?” Pause.
“Now, I’ve got to pee.
I knew it. Don’t have coffee
before going out. Damn motel stuff.
Maybe if I dash into those bushes…Oh
wait! There she is!” So, he
stands there staring at her, threateningly.
Then, he sees her look away. “Beat
Cheeks!” He dashes behind
the bushes to add mystique to his
character and to take a good long
one.
The killer isn’t as scary
as you’d like him to be when
you keep thinking of stuff like
that.
Amy is getting married to some boring
guy who was in Girls
Nite Out. (He’s the
one that farts.) She’s also
clearly in love with Marvin who
works at the Morgue. Oh wait. The
boring guy’s name is Phil.
I remember that because I thought,
“Marvin at the Morgue? Is
Phil a plumber?” But, for
vague reasons, she doesn’t
want to be with Marvin even thought
she doesn’t really seem to
like Phil. Marvin’s charming
and witty. Amy is charming, sweet
and cute as a kitten. Shouldn’t
they be together? The script never
quite nails down why they shouldn’t
be. Marvin is working at the morgue
and is going to school to be a forensic
scientist. Amy says she doesn’t
want to talk about bodies all day.
That’s about it. Sorry. Not
buying it. We only see Phil for
a few minutes but it’s clear
that he’s a complete twanker.
There’s a possibility that
the whole giant engine that is known
as “Wedding Preparation”
is what’s stopping Amy. So
many folks working at it, so many
plans made. Admitting she’s
made a mistake is a big deal. (The
rotten ending proves it.) So, it’s
easier for her to say “Phil!
He’s the one!” and provide
vague excuses as to why she’s
not with the man she should be with.
It might make a charming comedy
or drama if it wasn’t for
that sweaty guy with the knife.
The killer was jilted by his true
love. On her wedding day, he kills
her. Her husband-to-be is a cop.
The manhunt begins and it’s
a little dull. The cop chases down
the killer. But, with every passing
moment, another of Amy’s friends
is killed. Will he get there in
time? Or is he completely ineffectual?
Well...
Domino’s makes a decent pizza
for those nights when you want pizza
and you want it cheap and fast.
He Knows You’re Alone
is a decent slasher for those nights
when you want slashing but aren’t
up to something with a bit of a
challenge. Prom
Night, Night
School and He Knows
You’re Alone would make
an entertaining evening of formulaic
slashers.
I wish it were better. Every time
it cuts way from Amy to the cops
or one of her friends I found myself
(and I’ve seen the film eight
times) looking at the clock. When
I first watched the movie, I really
liked the Final Girl. She’s
one of my favorites. And, I knew
I’d seen her elsewhere. Her
name is Caitlin O'Heaney and that
rang no bells. Well, she is in Savage
Weekend. In that film,
her character is sexier and, frankly,
nuder. Imagine my surprise when
I looked her up on IMDB and found
out that I’d seen her in a
ton of stuff and didn’t know
it. She was in Tales Of The
Gold Monkey, and as soon as
I saw a still the memories rushed
back. She was the first Snow White
in the sitcom The Charmings.
I recorded those on Beta when they
aired. I had taped the first six.
The ones she was in. Odd. And, she
was in three Woody Allen films!
(A Midsummer’s Night Sex
Comedy, Zelig and
The Purple Rose of Cairo)
Awesome. She has her own perfume
now and is, I imagine, quite happy
(and she smells great). I’m
hoping she’s not too bemused
by the fact that many of us remember
her for this rather dull movie.
(I would buy her perfume but I smell
of tarragon and rose petals.)
Sorry. I rambled away there. One
of the great things about movies
like this is seeing an actress or
actor that you like reappear. (Lori
Lethin is another one.) Sometimes
an actor will reappear and my eyes
will roll. Folks from Al Adamson’s
or Ted V. Mikel’s films tend
to make me do that. But, I’ll
walk a long mile with a film if
it’s someone I like. Back
to movie chatter.
He Knows You’re Alone
is a formula slasher, like a Barbara
Cartland novel. But, it has its
charms. If you’re a slasher
fan, this is a fun one. It’s
relatively subdued and has Tom Hanks
in it so this may be the one to
use to get Grandma into slashers.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Audio is fine. The letterboxed image
reveals some nicely composed shots
that I remember being abridged back
on the VHS. Other than that, the
look of the film isn’t too
far past the VHS. Best of both worlds,
really.
EXTRAS
A trailer. Fun.
A commentary from the director,
Armand Mastroianni, and the writer,
Scott Parker. Some good stories.
Worth a listen. Where’s our
Final Girl, I wonder?
FINAL THOUGHTS
I like the main characters more
than the movie. But, He Knows
You’re Alone is worth
a watch for that great “early
80s” horror vibe that is as
comfortable as a sleeping bag with
He-Man on it. If you want less comfortable,
try Savage Weekend. It’s
not really better but it has more
kick. Don’t show that one
to your Grandma until later. I don’t
care if she is a big Newhart fan.
Don’t do it. |
You want another one?
Waiting for Zelig
Hanks, Incorporated
The wedding is officially off
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