THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES (1974)
Directed By Paul Harrison
Image Entertainment DVD
Reviewed 05.17.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Critics will sometimes tell you that fictional films dealing with the making of other fictional films are surefire catastrophes. We all know that sweeping generalizations like that are for the birds, right? Right? No? Oh, I get it....you’ve already seen The House Of Seven Corpses.

As a general theory, I’ll see any latter-day John Carradine film once. I don’t need to tell you that his dead serious theatrics always bring a sense of stateliness to the table, no matter how low the limbo stick may go. Which brings us to this film, a movie-about-making-a-movie that takes place at an old cursed mansion where seven family members died under grotesque circumstances. Coming up on the last decade of Carradine’s amazing career, House has three things going for it: J.C. himself (duh), a rollicking opening credits sequence, and a chilling final two minutes. If director Paul Harrison sprinkled some more of that pixie dust over the 81 minutes inbetween, he might have been onto something.

A low budget film crew is shooting a satanic epic at the ol’ Beale mansion. Yep, that’s the place where seven members of the Beale family were savagely murdered during our stylish, yet laughable, credit sequence. Dig that falling-off-the-stairs scream! Caretaker Edgar Price (Carradine) does his best to muck things up and warn the crew of dangerous curses by slipping into old coffins in the family cemetery plot. The film’s director, Eric Hartman (John Ireland) barks up some choice dialogue towards his leading ladies; “Take some of that rouge off, she looks like a whore!” and “I said trance...NOT ORGASM!” A cat (stuffed animal) gets chopped in half and the filming of scenes drags on endlessly. At the 60 minute mark, two zombies (straight out of Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things) begin to pick off our meaningless characters, summoned from their graves by a Tibetan incantation. They were fifteen minutes too late.

With numerous scenes comprised of singular long shots and a plot that gets stuck in a rut during the first reel, House doesn’t scream “watch me!” The ominous music cues and hammy acting provide all the subtlety of an installment of Chandu The Magician, so we lose out on those terms as well. When the zombies finally show up, the fake blood utilized during the killings appears painfully similar to the stuff that spilled during the fake movie’s filming. Bad news. Thankfully, House remains somewhat interesting thanks to a number of bad film laughs (the cat painting; plot hole nonsense) and an absolutely perfect low-budget-spook-film ending, involving a dimestore zombie, a nude woman, and a six-foot-under home. Here comes the bride!

AUDIO AND VIDEO
The full frame presentation looks tip-top. Colors are bright and the print is in fine cosmetic shape. Those darkened mansion corridors sure are bright! I noticed some slight ghosting and the tiniest bit of compression during darker scenes. Yes, the mono sound was just right.

EXTRAS
Wow, this is a first: no main menu. Just a chapter stop carte du jour and off you go. I guess that's what you get from a circa 2000 disc.

FINAL THOUGHTS
If you’ve got a slot open after dinner Tuesday night, The House Of Seven Corpses might fit right in. It’s nothing special, but the 70s atmosphere (incompetence?) holds a charm or two; just don’t look to disprove that stodgy critical theory.

J.C. strikes again


Simply stunning


Zombie-tized


Waltz the casbah