THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW
(1983)
Directed by Mark Rosman
Elite Entertainment DVD
THE FILM
In 1973, Styx's Dennis DeYoung asked
his "Lady" to "show
me all your charm" and "give
me all your love." The world
buckled with ecstasy, yet no woman
could answer the call. Ten years
later, the reason was revealed.
One Lady could not hope to provide
such an incalculable amount of "charm"
and "love". It would take
seven.
Kate. Vicki. Liz. Jeanie. Diane.
Morgan. Stevie. Meet the Ladies
of Theta Chi. After that, meet their
movie. After that, the notions of
mere charm and love may seem foreign
to everyone. Styx included. Such
is the blinding effect of The
House On Sorority Row and The
Ladies that inhabit it. I just hope
it all lasts.
Do you need to know much more about
this film after the Cesarean-birth
prologue? Not really. It's graduation
time. Amidst a deluge of drunken
yuks, waterbeds, and flowing orchestral
cues, our seven sorority loves decide
to have one last hurrah; a mammoth
party and a mammoth prank on house-mother
Mrs. Slater. Only things don't slide
so smoothly. Rest assured, the party
pumps it up: The band "4 Out
Of 5 Doctors" don't channel
Elvis Costello, then Styx (ah-ha!),
then Rush for their health! Nope,
the girls' floundering lies in the
prank department. A flubbed gun
shot. All hell breaks loose. Before
a fat guy in whitie-tighties can
yell "I'm a sea pig!",
a severed head lands in the ol'
shitter and the killer is loose
as a goose. Come sail away.
The House On Sorority Row
is a wolf in sheep's clothing. That
is to say, the film barks up the
same tree as other slick slashers
like Strange
Behavior, but its heart
pumps with cheap trash. And it never
deviates. Beautiful photography
(both handheld and studied), overbearing
orchestral bombast, and rapid edits
provide the class, while gloriously
fake gore, hilarious over-acting
(Kate, I'm looking at you), and
a penchant for vague weirdness impart
the chince. It's a nice balance.
Such a pleasant harmony, in fact,
that you can't help but feel butterflies,
despite a few questionable details.
The House On Sorority Row
isn't nasty or overly strange. This
is a simplistic mystery-slasher
with undeniable charm and a few
tricks up its blouse-sleeve. The
early summer setting. The house's
isolation. The head in the toilet.
The killer's never-glimpsed face.
Puke. A cocaine joke. And, of course,
our Ladies. Lucky seven.
Have no fear. This love is gonna
last.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Everything a 1983 slasher should
be. Presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic
widescreen, this disc looks great.
The picture is exceedingly crisp,
but still includes a bit of the
ol' camera grain during darker and
neutral sequences. You can almost
touch the emulsion. Nice. Color
is consistent and deep. No compression
pixelation whatsoever. The original
mono soundtrack is neither too tweaked
nor too muffled. Just right.
EXTRAS
One minute in heaven. The only supplement
is a grand 67 second trailer for
the feature. It's the same one that
occasionally pops up at the end
of old Vestron tapes (see: The
Campus Corpse). Looks nearly
identical here, save for the addition
of a hi-tech Statue Of Liberty animation
beforehand.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Ladies, just touch me and my troubles
all fade. Charms and love make people
happy. The House On Sorority
Row makes me happy. I'm guessing
it would make lots of other people
happy, too. Even Styx. Obviously,
that's no faint praise. Get it.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 02.15.07 |
They're with the band
Theta Lady Chi
Squint to be scared
How rude
|
