THE ICE HOUSE (1969) Directed by Stuart McGowan
Something Weird DVD-R
Buy it from Something Weird!
THE FILM
I've never been sold on the concept of destiny. Until now.
Sometime during the first half of the twentieth century, identical twins David and Robert Story were born. Unexceptional on the surface, it was quickly noted that the Storys displayed a preternatural facility for Kicking Ass. Scientists, though impressed, dismissed this trait as nothing more than a passing curiosity. Like the rest of us, David And Robert appeared to be bound for the routine; the unremarkable; the workaday pattern of American life; never realizing their full potential for punching people in the face. But then, destiny called.
The Ice House answered. Two lives were instantly changed. Yours may soon follow.
The Ice House is all aflutter with exotic extremities. Large breasts. Orgies. Hip (?) 60s slang ("Ya dirty dighty!") at hip (?) 60s sex joints ("The Magic Mushroom"). A rotund man in plaid swim trunks with a poodle sleeping on his stomach. Yet, it's all but a distraction on the road to a higher pursuit. And that pursuit happens to be filming the Storys as they beat the shit out of people. It's a birthright. And a talent.
As the tangled plight of twin goons Rick (a sex killer who hides his victims in The Ice House!) and Fred (a real nice cop!) unfolds, you will be subjected to a not-so tangled plight of artless, exploitive fluency. The Ice House concentrates solely on domesticated sex and violence. It never goes too far. Yet, it goes far enough. Draping itself in the rosy fumes of an independent oil change shop, the film flies by in a crusty siege of hysterical fisticuffs, 1.5 second sexual assaults, and welcomed '69 psych-culture. It's Just For The Hell Of It with most -- but not all -- of the boredom removed and a few softcore pounces thrown in. It's an archetype of Easy Sleaze. It's also really dumb. Witness the beer bottle as an arbiter of psychological health. Magnifique.
Just think. David and Robert Story were born to star in The Ice House and that's it. There may be hope for us all.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Like every single character in the film, the print got its teef kicked in by the twins. Several times over. It's a lovely concerto of spazzy emulsion lines, frequent jump cuts, and other strange visuals and noises. Destiny! It's everywhere!
EXTRAS
As if the hand-painted credits weren't enough, the rest of this DVD-R is decked out in the finest of Something Weird traditions. Several sexploitation trailers and two Barry Mahon nudie shorts (“Double Trouble”, “Nude A-Go-Go”) follow the feature. You may have seen the Mahons before. You may see them again. Such are the benefits of we who live blessed lives.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Don't be a dirty dighty. The Ice House is a simplistic, entertaining exercise in slight sleaze that you should throw on the heap. Indifference may creep up during the motorcycle chase, but keep that hush-hush if you run into the Storys. I don't feel like getting my ass kicked. Again.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 01.10.08 | 
Story time
Miss Ubeblock
I remain silent
Blame it on the brewskis
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