LAS VEGAS BLOOD BATH (1989)
(part of SERIAL PSYCHOS: 6 MOVIE PACK) Directed by David Schwartz
Pendulum Pictures/Mill Creek Entertainment DVD
THE FILM
Sometimes a Shot-On-Video special from the late 80s will sneak right up on you. Sometimes it'll put you right to sleep. Sometimes they will sneak up on you very slowly while putting you to sleep at the same time.
David Schwartz, how are you? Do you still see the girls from B.L.O.W.? Is Ari Levin still a friend of yours?
If I were asked to describe the plot of Las Vegas Bloodbath, I would say something like "a man finds out his wife is cheating on him and goes on a low-key rampage" and leave it at that. But, when I sat down to write this, to elaborate on my feelings about this movie, they were a sloppy mess, like the blood-filled bathroom in the closing scene of this film. So, I've divided this review into three sections. Join me for...
Section 1: A Series of Beginnings
In an early scene, a woman with extremely ridiculous hair and a man in devilishly tight underpants fool around in bed. The man takes off his clothes in the least erotic revelation of human flesh since Ham walked in on his father Noah and saw him nude way back in the Book of Genesis. You'd forgive me for looking away as the almost-nude man approached the woman in the ridiculous wig for sweet lovemaking. This is why God invented booze.
I was in the Boy Scouts for five years and never reached the rank of Star. I believe it went Star, Life and then Eagle. Those were the big three. I always floated at the bottom, near the beginner ranks. I liked hanging out and camping but I hated all the scout stuff. I especially hated knots. I was terrible at them. There was one knot I knew completely: the Larkshead Hitch. I can still tie it today. After watching this film, I might have learned a few more through SOV osmosis. At least five minutes (possibly a lot more) of this 76-minute long film, consists of Sam (the killer) tying up women. And, that's a lot of women. I watched, I learned, I fell asleep, I had a sandwich. If these films can teach and entertain, what chance does decent society have?
Do you like daytime whores? Sam doesn't. I've no opinion. It's something to think about.
One of the things I love about these movies is the odd, odd choices directors make in editing, acting, structure and so forth. This one has odd choices all the way around, but it's the structure that takes it. For the first 22 minutes, we watch as Sam (Ari Levin) kills his wife and her lover. Then, he kills a "daytime whore" and a bartender. At this point, the last thing I was thinking was "Hey! Maybe now the director will cut to a half-dozen women sitting in a living room. Maybe they'll try on bikinis, talk aimlessly, have some donuts and beer, watch themselves oil wrestle on TV and make fun off their pregnant friend." David Schwartz, you keep me guessing! A little more than 22 minutes of the film follows these women passing the time before the killer arrives. It is alternately audacious and mystifying. I can't say I loved it or hated it. I certainly watched it.
Word of warning: If a movie takes place primarily in one location and the actors go in a room where the walls are covered with some sort of construction paper, there may be blood thrown around. Not a 100% certainty, but a good predictor.
What's wrong with daytime whores? Don't they provide a valuable service?
The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackal and The Night Stalker and Las Vegas Bloodbath can all be watched for their Las Vegas locations. You can see the strip developing and growing. It's kind of neat. I also swear to the Heavens that I've seen the same elderly couple in all three movies. They laugh at the Mummy, they pass a worried Kolchak, and they give the camera a little smile when Sam passes by. If these were your grandparents, give us a yell.
You can feel it when you watch some films. It's a sense of excitement when the ending draws close. A rising feeling of "Oh boy!" that won't stay hidden. When Las Vegas Bloodbath freeze-framed on the closing shot of terror, I knew it would happen. There would be a theme song! And, it was good. My wife and I were singing "Las Vegas Bloodbath" for the next few hours. It's not as concise as the Don't Go In The Woods theme or as goofball as the Faces of Death IV theme but it's pretty hot. Whatever else the film does to you, tune in for that.
I have no moral problem with daytime whores. But, then I don't see many of them.
Section 2: My Wife's Comments
My wife doesn't a watch a lot of these things with me. They're not really her cup of tea. However, she joined me for much of Las Vegas Bloodbath. I've compiled her responses here.
She giggled and laughed quite a bit during the terribly un-erotic love scene. In fact, I looked at my shoes while I watched it the first time. She was out of the room. I wanted to show her the big hair of the lady. Somehow we got back to the love scene and she would not let me fast forward over it. She was amazed at the anti-erotic vibe it let off.
There is a scene where Sam picks up a hooker in the afternoon. A car drives by and beeps at them. The woman says, "What's his problem?" "I don't know," Sam replies. "Maybe he doesn't like DAYTIME WHORES!" I laughed. My wife asked what was happening. I told her. Several minutes later, she yelled my name. I asked her what was going on. And, she said, simply, "Do you like daytime whores?' A catchphrase is born.
The women who we spend a lot of time with are members of B.L.O.W. -- Beautiful Ladies (of) Oil Wrestling. I'd imagined it was similar to mud wrestling. At one point, the ladies watch themselves on TV and we see about five minutes of oil wrestling. "So, it's a bunch of women rolling around on garbage bags covered in hot oil." My wife pegged it. It looks like a group of half-hearted women in bikinis rolling around on a lot of black garbage bags. You have to look really hard to see the oil. I wonder if B.L.O.W. still prospers.
I mentioned a donuts and beer scene earlier. (They also eat pizza.) As the women talk, they eat. I suddenly noticed something that never really hit me until this scene. That thing where camcorders can muffle dialogue but when people are smacking and chewing and slurping it sounds like they are inside your head. My wife watched the pregnant woman in a bikini eat a large donut and drink milk. She rarely closed her mouth. She chewed really loud and dribbled milk on her self. After a minute of this, my wife said that watching this woman eat that donut was the sickest thing in the film. I started to get queasy too. Luckily, we get to watch her wolf down pizza later.
As I mentioned, we couldn't stop singing "Las Vegas Bloodbath" a little later.
My wife joined me for Fatal Images later that night. She fell asleep, though. One a day is enough. I understand that completely.
Section 3: My Thoughts
Las Vegas Bloodbath is amateurish, gory, boring, funny, mystifying, entrancing and unwatchable. That's a pretty good swath for a very-cheap 80s SOV film to cover. Each one of those attributes should have a "very" in front of it. That sums up the film. It's not good but for most of the time I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It's nasty, but apart from one or two moments, the nastiness is foolishness. The unfortunate thing is that, in the end, I can deal with boring. Night Of Horror is boring but I love it. It's the pacing that can make the film such a tough watch. Continents drift faster than this movie. A minute lasts five and that's not good.
I watched it. Maybe I'll watch it again. But, I can't recommend it without fear of getting punched. It'll probably just annoy you. Of course, some folks enjoy being annoyed so, if you're one of those folks, seek it out.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Muffled camcorder audio. All food eaten is heard perfectly to the point of nausea. Love that camcorder look. There are a couple of rolls here and there. Sometimes the lighting and the video combine to make certain rooms look aggressively bland. The gore in the final scene is sloppy though. Don't know if that's anything to do with the video but, hey, why not?
EXTRAS
It's part of the 2 disc "Serial Psychos" set. There are no extras but some of the other films are worth your time. Two of the films are re-titled and might be familiar so I'll let you go in and be surprised like I was.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Gory, yes. Good, no. Watchable, mostly. There are definitely great and sublime moments in here but, Mother of Pearl! That pacing! If you are a SOV completist like myself, watch Las Vegas Bloodbath. Otherwise, well…my wife laughed. If you run across it, why not? True weirdness is in such short supply. Add a little extra to your day. While you're at it, meet the Girls of B.L.O.W. (No joke follows.)
— Dan Budnik, 02.01.07 | 
President: Nic Cage Fanclub (impeached)
Do you like daytime whores?
All American B.L.O.W.
Oh boy!
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