RATTLERS (1976) Directed by John McCauley
Something Weird DVD
THE FILM
Rattlesnakes have no place to hold their wallets. Then again, they have no money. Cue Harry Novak.
More money equals more problems. The snakes in Rattlers understood this logic. So much so that they said, "The hell with dough -- we've got a movie to make!" Exploitation mogul Harry Novak (Axe, Kiss Me Quick!) liked the sound of that. And so Rattlers came to be, courtesy Novak's Box Office International. No budget, only a few problems, and a dozen shy, yet driven, little rattlesnakes. Sounds terrific. If the concept of snakes-as-a-slasher sounds trite, I don't know what to tell you. The appearance of a bad toupee can work in wonderful ways.
As previously mentioned, Rattlers models itself as a cheapie slasher, but exchanges snakes for steak knives. An outbreak of strange killings baffles the law. Little kids, housewives, and bitchy divorcees get the sting. The Sheriff catches on. He may have a snake problem. Enter one Herpetologist (he studies reptiles, not sores, sicko!) and his female sidekick photographer. A slew of hilariously thin women's lib face-offs and lots of odd comments ("He looked like a damn pin cushion!") fill up space. The template is bland. The content is not.
Beware the bathtub. The PG-rated Rattlers finds a sober middleground and bashes away. The result? A nice night at the drive-in -- laughs, shivers, and groans included. The snake attack scenes induce goosebumps by nature alone, but can't shake their obvious defects; unconvincing edits, a thin supply of snakes, and out of focus shots. That sets us up for an endless run of healthy bad acting chops and yuk-it-up traits (re: the enormous toupee, overly happy cops, a skinny Sheriff), but not the "falling in love" montage or the unexpectedly tense mine-shaft climax. Fair enough. Director John McCauley, who would unleash textbook slasher The Deadly Intruder in 1984, sticks to simplicity. Consistency, as a whole, is another story, as the film tends to tread water when action is needed most. Harry Novak didn't mind. Will you?
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Very nice. The full frame print is bright, deep, and lovingly grainy. Colors soar and damage is petite. The mono sound was loud and clear. In terms of presentation, Rattlers is full of top notch Something Weird pizzazz. The film also appears on Mill Creek's "Drive-in Classics" 50 film pack, but I'll betcha two fat Sheriffs it doesn't look as good as this release.
EXTRAS
Are snakes and breasts sexy together? Do snakes think breasts are sexy? Do breasts have an opinion? Let's find out.
First, the shorts. "Snake Charmer" (10 minutes) is a five part epic in which a naked woman plays house with a few novelty snake cans. B-boing! "Deena Nowell: Cobra Girl" (2 minutes) checks in with some burlesque tippy-toes. "Snake Dream" (3 minutes) combines full frontal female close-ups -- and I mean close-ups -- with a writhing snake. "Esmeralda At The Cafe D'Artist" (7 minutes) is an amazing 1960s time capsule of neon and tiki in which a live surf band performs to exotic twisting and snake-stripping. Think that Ghost World nightclub scene, but distinctly American. "Snake Lover" (5 minutes) is immediately recognizable from Something Weird's promo intro. How'd she fit that thing in her mouth?! Finally, "Snake Vs. Snake" is a bit of travelogue documentary footage in which a snake eats another snake. Lovely.
More slithers. Twelve trailers run the gamut of animals-snakes-Ma Nature on the attack, as well as a few that don't fit the mold. Rattlers is represented. Donn Davison chimes in with his terrific ode to simplicity in the spot for The Crawling Thing/Creature Of Evil. Night Of The Cobra Woman made my "must-see" list. A gallery of vintage monster magazines and comics is also included.
Topping it all off is the inclusion of The Snake People, a full length film from 1968. It's one of those career-crapping, multi-cultural trashers starring Boris Karloff. Chickens are beheaded! A top-hatted midget chuckles! Karloff hobbles! Baby boomers see red! You might sleep a lot! As a supplement, this confused film does just fine. Anything beyond that is questionable.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Money. Who needs it? Like most killer animal movies, Rattlers will never top a list. However, the film deposits 80 minutes of goofy, cut-rate entertainment directly into your living room. That's about 70 more minutes than Stanley, so already, you’re ahead. Worth a satisfying rental.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 01.25.07 | 
This is not the time
Carpet angst
Rattlers can't stop love
Rattle on
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