THE
THIRSTY DEAD (1973)
THE SWAMP OF THE RAVENS (1974)
Directed By Terry Becker/Michael
Cannon
Something Weird DVD
THE FILMS
Nobody likes to admit when they
feel stupid. It’s not too
chic. Lucky for you, I’m not
that cool, so here goes:
I didn’t really understand
what was going on during these two
films. Sure, I don’t feel
like the smartest guy in the world
right about now, but what’s
done is done. The jungle marsh is
waiting and “this place is
evil -- it’s voodoo here.”
Since I’m not in the mood
for games, I’ll make this
crystal clear: The Thirsty
Dead plays out like a freshman
college troupe’s bad morality
play; a one-act burst of inspiration
that spreads itself entirely too
thin over 90 minutes. On the other
hand, The Swamp Of The Ravens gets a vote for one of the most
bizarre horror films I’ve
ever come across, but ends up out-grossing
(as in “gag me”) itself
before any of that matters. Approach
Baru and Dr. Frosta with great care...they’re
not in this for the money.
After a pretty good go-go/psych-rock
(try Pebbles Vol. 3, not Nuggets
II) introduction, The Thirsty
Dead reels you in for around
20 minutes. After that, you’re
free to roam. A couple of girls
are kidnapped for reasons that aren’t
fully explained. A “Hong Kong-based
white slave trade ring” is
announced on the radio, but never
materializes. I guess it’s
just a front? Anyway, the way-too-calm
girls are led beneath the streets
of Manila and onto little boats
in the jungle. Their destination
is a mountain containing a cult
of styrofoam cave-dwelling swingers,
all clad in pastels. The cult worships
under the guidance of “Raoul,”
a hilarious decapitated head in
a red box. Baru, who kind of resembles
a skinny Jackson Bostwick from “Shazam!,”
leads the cult with an evil queen,
bent on obtaining immortality from
the blood of the chosen ones. That’s
the first 20 minutes. Aside, from
the occasional off-kilter bit of
dialogue (“Let us seek the
guidance of RAOUL!!”), nothing
else really happens. The girls try
to escape at the end and things
pick up a little for the above-average
climax.
If you’re up for a visually
appealing look at the jungles of
Manila, then The Thirsty
Dead is for you. Outside
of that, the pickings are very slim.
The basic concept behind the film
is certainly engaging; it’s
just that the script prattles on
and does little to explain the essential
motivations for anything that happens.
Sometimes that can be a good thing,
but when the latter half of a film
offers up incredibly lame life-death-love
dialogue from z-grade actors (“I
can’t bear to see you suffer.
It is my punishment and my reward.”),
along with tons of jungle-escape
padding, it’s really hard
to lift that anchor. The creeps
were occasional (especially the
underground monster-women) and the
production values very high...things
were just a bit boring overall.
Take heed, weighty eyelids -- filmic
caffeine is on the way. The warped
snarls of The Swamp Of The
Ravens are hard to brush
off, whether you like this stuff
or not. Dr. Frosta works at a lab.
In his spare time, he conducts experiments
on corpses, which must be carried
out within eight minutes of expiration.
Since he’s so damn weird,
his girlfriend Simone dumps him
for her ex. He’s a guy named
Robert who sings to a life-sized
mannequin of Simone in his nightclub
act. Like The Thirsty Dead,
I had a hard time understanding
what was going on most of the time.
Sure, things were creepy, sinister,
and totally straight-faced (that
means very good), but towards the
end, Swamp got a little
too gross for its own good. Everybody’s
overly sweaty. Fetuses in jars.
A close-up needle to the boob. A
(real?!) overhead shot of an autopsy.
Dr. Frosta’s overlong tryst
with a female corpse. A main cop
with a big herpes sore. The same
cop sticking a severed hand with
his fork, while in the middle of
a meal. Need I continue?
Don’t get me wrong. The
Swamp Of The Ravens was a
pretty excellent fright film and
completely nuts. It’ll grab
your attention. The manic zooms
and dirty locales played up the
insane content to the nines, including
the unsettling “body swamp”
behind Frosta’s shack. The
frequent raven close-ups and sound
effects straight out of The
Legend Of Boggy Creek did
their part too. When the soundtrack
introduced a mix of awful faux-prog
rock and cankered rip-offs of “Seasons
In The Sun,” I thought things
couldn’t get better. Unfortunately,
I was right, but that’s only
because my tastes don’t match
up when it comes to autopsy scenes
and corpse loving. I would have
liked a little light on the subjects
during the last reel as well. What
can I say? Gloriously weird, but
a little too over the top at times.
The intricacies of these two films
stumped me on more than one occasion.
Call me a dummy, but I’m not
sure I’d want the help; one
viewing has been more than enough.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Both films are presented in non-anamorphic
widescreen and look pretty nice
in that grainy, low-budget way that
we know and love. Thirsty retains a slight upperhand in terms
of clarity and scratching; the colors
are over-saturated and the print
appears nearly flawless. In the
realm of mono, the music was a bit
louder than the dialogue, which
was slightly muffled in the first
place. Swamp looks
a little dirtier, with more film
noise and an odd, shimmery purple/red
tint that pops up once in awhile.
The print gets incredibly dark at
times as well. It added to the overall
weirdness, so I wouldn’t scream
“drawback”! The mono
sound was a-ok.
EXTRAS
Although the extras included aren’t
as substantial as the Something
Weird norm, I managed to get a lot
more enjoyment out of them when
compared to the two features. Go
figure.
First up, there’s an amazing
vintage horror comic-book cover
art gallery that runs 8 minutes.
It may be repeated from other discs,
but that doesn’t diminish
the unbelievable impact of this
gore-soaked glee parade. Skull-mummies
with chopped off arms! Werewolves
with machetes! If only films with
these characters could have been
produced back in the day. My mind
reels. From there, eight trailers
appear to kick your smile a little
wider. Favorites included The
Sinister Monk, (one of the
best titles ever?), Mary,
Mary, Bloody Mary, The
Vampire And The Ballerina,
and The Velvet Vampire.
Random trailers can be a great thing.
Lastly, there’s an episode
of the excellent Swedish-subbed
horror TV show 13 Demon Street,
with Lon Chaney Jr. as your host.
A previous episode, "The Girl
In The Glacier," appeared on
Something Weird’s Terror
In The Midnight Sun/Invasion Of
The Animal People double
feature. The episode included on
this disc is no less effective.
It’s called “The Black
Hand” and concerns the reality-deficient
exploits of a doctor that loses
his five fingers in an auto accident;
only to graft on the hand of a dead
killer, who he hit in the smash-up.
I'd really like to see this entire
series on DVD.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The Thirsty Dead was
a bit underwhelming and The
Swamp Of The Ravens might
have been a bit too weird, even
for me. Replay charm isn’t
something either film excels at,
so a decent rental would be the
way to go.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 01.14.05 |
Safe with Raoul
Cheek pats for free
He hurts on the inside too
Tonigth's the nigth
Baby, I love only you
Press play, dummy
|
