TOXIE’S
TRIPLE TERROR VOLUME ONE:
CURSE OF THE CANNIBAL CONFEDERATES
(1982)
DEMENTED DEATH FARM MASSACRE (1971/86)
DEADLY DAPHNE'S REVENGE (1987)
Directed by Tony Malanowski, Donn
Davison/Fred Olen Ray, Richard Gardner
Brentwood DVD
Reviewed 11.24.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILMS
Need another example of the increasingly
great developments in the world
of trash films on DVD? Bear witness
to Brentwood’s new line of
goodness: “Toxie’s Triple
Terror,” volumes one through
seven. Each set contains three individually
slim-cased films (that’s twenty-one
times the thrills) of bad film merriment
from the literal basement of Troma
studios.
Wait...Troma? Depending on your
tastes, the name might encourage
some warning signals; like maybe
steer clear. Troma’s original
productions tend to turn me off,
but I can’t knock the staying
power and determination that they’ve
built up over the last thirty years.
So what’s the deal with this
set? Troma owns the rights to a
boatload of 60s-80s genre films,
most of which will never see the
light of day on their own. Somebody
had a pretty great idea. Brentwood
has licensed the best of the best
from said film collection, making
them not only easily available,
but budget priced and tightly packaged
to boot. Let’s get it together.
My, oh my. If nothing else, Curse
Of The Cannibal Confederates gives us a very informative history
lesson: mullets and flannel shirts
were definitely in full effect during
the civil war. A group of weird
looking 35 year old “kids”
(is there any other kind?) takes
a hunting trip out in the woods.
The blind girl, Kioki, has the uncanny
ability to stare into people’s
eyes while in conversation, just
like she has 20/20. So cool, right?
After much arguing and completely
unnatural dialogue, the group comes
upon an old cemetery, which is comprised
of a couple foam tombstones. Mel,
the Weird Al-esque rebel guy, finds
a box with an old book in it; a
Civil War general’s diary.
After stealing the book, Mel finds
himself and friends plagued by a
battalion of undead Confederates.
Even though the zombies already
rose during the opening credits...but
whatever, just let it loose! The
zombies embark on a bad gore rampage,
the police arrive and die, and the
film wraps up in an old house with
General Zombie tears. All this and
more for what looks like $5.34.
Do you like super weird movies?
I hope you said the right thing,
as Curse is basically
a teenage Super 8 experiment, just
padded out to 88 minutes. So while
the above synopsis may read like
a million other zombie movies, none
is as cheap and mindless as this
shot-in-Maryland wonder. So bad,
it’s downright dreamlike.
Imagine 30 year old guy gathering
up the neighborhood Roller Rink
workers circa ‘81 and teaching
them the ways of the thespian via
mail order phonetics. Do people
really talk like this? Did they
ever?! The zombies are clad in rubber
masks (some pretty creepy) and baby
powder faces, if they’re lucky.
There’s an abundance of over-the-shirt
gore, scenes drag forever, and two
songs repeat endlessly over the
soundtrack. This is a bottom of
the barrel must see.
And we move on. Demented
Death Farm Massacre is former
spookshow veteran/yo-yo king/XXX
theater owner Donn Davison’s Honey Britches, just
sliced and diced by Fred Olen Ray,
annoying library music, and bad
Troma sound effects. I’m glad
about one thing. This release has
finally enabled me to sample a taste
of director Davison’s three-picture
strong filmography, albeit in slightly
butchered form. And what a filmography
it must be.
Things are not well on ol’
Harlan’s farm. Hopped up on
goofy holier-than-thou ranting,
professional moonshiner Harlon returns
home to find four strangers hanging
out with his wife, Reba Sue. We
already know that the quartet is
a group of jewel thieves, plum run
out of gas and itching for a hiding
spot. After everyone says hi, the
film devolves into lots of talking,
double crosses, murder, and sexual
tension...between everybody! Buxom
girls are treated like poop, guys
are unsavory, and nobody’s
likable. Cat fight! Pitchfork death!
Sweaty sex! Amazon woman with an
attitude! John Carradine (“the
judge of hell”) inserts are
poorly cut in by Mr. Ray, adding
a certain air of...nothing. In the
end, everybody gets too dang greedy
and the freeze frame reads “The
lord giveth and the lord taketh
away.” Cue the chalk-on-fence
end credits.
With a literal cast of seven, Demented
Death Farm Massacre is quite
a sight to behold. Completely engrossing
with its unending ineptitude and
awful southern accents, I think
Davison must be some kind of backyard
superhero. Most of the picture,
with its talk-acting and long shots
of leering outdoor silence, comes
very close to home movie level.
The minor blood effects are ridiculous,
looking like poured on pancake mix.
The script by Barbara Davison (wife?)
is surprising in its treatment towards
women (mostly referred to as bitches,
whores, jezebels, etc), lending
itself to uncomfortable moments...just
delivered with all the confidence
of a six year old. I assure you,
this is a heck of a bad movie. However,
there’s something off-kilter
about Donn Davison’s work;
something which refuses to be normal.
I must see more.
I was hoping the fun would hold
out, but I guess it had to end somewhere.
Deadly Daphne’s Revenge was pretty unpleasant. After a thirty
second prologue, where a radio broadcast
explains that a crazy woman has
escaped from an institution, we
meet our very unlikeable cast. Four
jerks (racist a-hole Charlie, insurance
salesman Bruce, gym teacher Steve,
mechanic slimeball Roberto) are
driving around in a winnebago and
they pick up a 17 year old hitchhiker
named Cindy. After arriving at a
mansion, Cindy “seduces”
nice-guy Steve in about ten seconds.
Not wanting to miss out on the sex
stuff, Charlie rapes Cindy while
Steve sleeps it off. Roberto watches.
We’re treated to sweaty close-ups
of Steve’s face and Cindy’s
screams. Cindy presses charges and
the film turns into an action/drama
on par with “T.J. Hooker.”
I know, I know. So where’s
Daphne?! Remember that prologue?
That was Daphne they were talking
about. She’s got a shady past
with Charlie and turns up during
the last twenty minutes to dish
out some “get what’s
comin’ to ya.” By jove,
it’s utter nonsense.
Daphne goes like this:
dreary, depressing, and housing
the most skin-grating male character
ever. Charlie throws out tons of
racial and sexual slurs, doubled
up with a very annoying good ol’
boy voice. Most of the acting is
totally over the top, but in a bad
way -- eyebrows going crazy, disjointed
shout-acting while in a sparsely
decorated office, etc. Fails in
its “message” due to
the ineptness in continuity and
a complete lack sense (would Cindy
really return to the crime-mansion
for a vacation with Steve?). Not
much to enjoy, not much to laugh
at, and definitely not a horror
film. Skip it altogether.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
All three full frame prints look
to be sourced from video masters,
but appear just fine. A big plus
is the complete lack of compression,
something which tends to hamper
the usual budget-priced collections.
Curse looks dark,
scratched up, and very home movie-ish,
with bass heavy mono sound and slightly
muffled dialogue. Demented has a swell looking late 60s aura,
somewhat scratchy, but clear, with
equally fine mono sound. Daphne was on par with a clean TV movie,
but the mono sound muffled some
dialogue big time. The first two
films had super cheap 80s computer
titles tacked on. Troma-tized!
EXTRAS
And we even get a little something
extra. Each film gets its own trailer,
with Troma-helmed style for the
first two films and what looks to
be an original for “Daphne.”
FINAL THOUGHTS
This is the kind of release that
makes the trash world go ‘round.
Two out of three surprisingly fun
bad films for a cheap-o price. I
think you know your tastes. I think
you should invest. Kudos. |
Bikini fun
Good as Halloween
Is this a theme?
Poor sap
"I got me an idea."
D.D. shows up for her own party
|
