WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE (1989)
Directed By Jon McBride
Camp Motion Pictures DVD
THE FILM
Twelve year old Tommy Casiello just
performed a spastic, uninformed
air guitar workout. The late 1980s
have spoken. Pass me a dry pair
of pants.
Don’t panic! You’re
at the right place. Director Jon
McBride just pulled a fast one.
The extreme gore, diarrhea mouths,
and unending restlessness of McBride’s
shot on video (SOV) debut, Cannibal
Campout, have gone missing.
Woodchipper Massacre, the
shot-in-Connecticut follow-up to
Cannibal, furtively exchanges
the excess for elegance. Comedic
elegance. That is, unless you fail
to see the hysterical sophistication
in watching a red-mulleted kid with
a Rambo fetish, humongous wire-rimmed
glasses, and an emotive eyebrow
problem performing the aforementioned
air guitar ballet. If that doesn’t
tickle your fancy, trouble is afoot.
Take two doses of Phantom
Brother and call me in
the morning.
Where in the world is Christina
Applegate? When Dad leaves for a
weekend trip, he leaves siblings
Jon (Jon McBride), Denise (Denice
Edeal), and Thomas (you know who)
in the care of pain-in-the-ass Aunt
Tess (Patricia McBride, Jon’s
Mom). Denise yells “She’s
a pill!” as Thomas notes,
“What a space cadet!”
Denise paints her toes. Jon plays
the piano. Birds wander in the backyard.
Tess gives cooking lessons. After
a misunderstanding, Thomas’s
authentic Rambo survival knife plunges
into Tessie’s gut. The babysitter
has passed. The body must be destroyed.
To the woodchipper! Soon after,
amped-up cousin Kim arrives. He
has a problem with spittle, terrible
grooming, and says “fuck”
a lot. Connecticut is so beautiful
during this time of the year.
Falling somewhere between You
Can’t Do That On Television
and a high school madrigals pageant,
Woodchipper Massacre is
definitive 80s hilarity. Only, the
actual jokes aren’t so hot.
Following the trend of similar late
80s SOV trash-horror films, Woodchipper
shoots for spoof over shock. Results
are feeble. The frequent empty spaces,
ear-rending dialogue delivery, and
plain old naïveté of
the entire $400 production keeps
the film from hitting its bloodless,
well-intentioned “sit-com
lite” mark. No sweat. You’ll
still be on the floor. Heavenly
dorks. Extreme close-ups. Plastic
Casio soundtrack. Constant “outside
voices.” Unprecedented Le
1989 fashions, situations, and attitudes.
Spiced with a pleasant whiff of
behind-the-scenes harmony, Woodchipper
Massacre is almost too good
to be true -- just make sure you
set the volume low. Really low.
Now, a few confessions. I looked
a bit like Thomas when I was twelve
years old. I also knew a thing or
two about ripping some ass on my
air guitar. Nerds of a feather flock
together.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Terrific. Woodchipper Massacre
steps out from total obscurity with
a class. Improving a bit upon the
quality of the old Donna Michelle
Productions VHS, Camp’s DVD
looks like it was cut straight from
the S-VHS master. Charms are retained
(heavy hiss, the occasional video
blurp), but the image is brighter
and more defined. The mono sound
remains untouched. Pixel compression
was nowhere to be found. I’ll
say it again: Terrific.
EXTRAS
Cannibal Campout sends
over the supplemental party vibes.
Woodchipper Massacre catches
them.
Back for round two, director Jon
McBride (he’s on the phone)
and moderator Mark Polonia (he’s
in the room) deliver another comprehensive
commentary track. It’s more
in-depth than Cannibal’s
talk, but still loose and amusing.
“Woodchipper” gets the
full shakedown; distribution with
Donna Michelle, editing on professional
equipment, working with the kids,
and even a little context on the
state of SOV films in 1989. McBride
has a fondness for the film, but
he doesn’t mistake sincerity
for haughtiness. Statements like
“I’m very happy and
thankful...” make for not
only a cheerful listen, but also
invoke a greater appreciation for
his budget-deficient work as well.
While not as involved as the extras
on the Cannibal disc, the
“Making Of” featurette
(14 minutes), “VideoBob”
internet interview with Jon McBride
(13 minutes), and behind-the-scenes
still gallery (4 minutes) give you
exactly what you’re looking
for. Thomas won a Daytime Emmy!
Denise went to college! Jon still
owns the clothes he wore in the
film! With only a base overlap,
the entire cast checks in and the
backyard enthusiasm seeps. The Camp
Trailer Vault returns (two vintage
spots for McBride's films and three
newly created for Video Violence,
Video Violence 2, and Ghoul
School) and a nice insert/postcard
with liner notes from director McBride
rounds things out.
FINAL THOUGHTS
My imaginary six-stringer is all
revved up. Is yours? Woodchipper
Massacre improves upon the
drabness of Cannibal Campout
and rightly takes its place in the
late 80s hysterical hall of fame.
As a bonus, the DVD delivers a healthy
dose of SOV virtue. If you’re
into it, do not hesitate.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 01.04.07 |
It's like a ballet
Blinded by fabric
Aunt Tess (almost) does dreadful
things
Tommy The Great
|
