| Article
by Joseph A. Ziemba
Mike (a guy at work): "So,
you like horror movies?"
Me: "Yeah."
Mike: "Sweet. Seen anything
scary lately? I like the scary ones."
Me: "Actually, I just watched
this movie called Nightmares
In A Damaged Brain. It really
frightened my wife and I. Very nasty,
too."
Mike: "Oooo...no shit, huh?
Never heard of it. When's it from?"
Me: "Uh, 1981, I think."
Mike: "Ha ha! OH MAN! Anybody
that watches those kinds of horror
movies obviously has NO idea what
SCARY is. Now, let me ask you this.
Have you seen Saw II?"
Bleeding Skull continues to fight
the good fight. Three years strong
and the fun never stops. I mean
that sincerely.
Please join me in celebrating the
most excellent spooky trash film
discoveries of 2006. As always,
formats and presentations are mostly
irrelevant, forever giving way to
each film's singular experience.
2006 was a banner year for VHS revelation.
As time goes on, I find myself less
impressed with packed DVD reissues
of old favorites (with stellar exceptions
such as VCI's The Ripper Blood
Pack) and more hot-blooded
for video store liquidation sales.
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe not. That's
the thrill of the mystery. As the
site continues to flourish, the
original intent stands tall. Relaxation,
thrills, and happiness; that's why
Bleeding Skull exists. That's why
we watch these films. That's why
you read about them. We're happy
together. I can tell.
So, without further ado, and with
the words of Mr. Keefe L. Turner
to guide us, let's get to it. "BAMBTWOW!"
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10.
Frozen Scream (1975)
Continental Home Video VHS
• Full
Review
"Boring lows. Hysterical
highs. No middleground. Right
on through to the fiercely
downbeat ending, Frozen
Scream lays down the
new principles for Outstanding
Bullshit Caught On Film...It
won't make sense in the end,
but little in life ever does.
That's the beauty of the cinema."
|
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09.
Fatal Pulse (1988)
Celebrity Home Video VHS •
Full
Review
"Fatal Pulse
is insane. Little more than
a showcase for sweaty boobs
and the talents of comic relief
character "Mark"
(you'll know he's coming,
thanks to the "BOING!"
sound effect, novelty baseball
cap, and "WHAT IT IS?"
t-shirt), this is 80s stupidity
at its most pasteurized apex."
|
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08.
Dracula, Prisoner Of Frankenstein
(1972)
Image Entertainment DVD •
Full
Review
"In essence, Dracula
clears out the pores; sticking
to its guns no matter what.
The film makes a stand for
slapdash eccentricity, swabbing
illusory "take it or
leave it" brashness in
the face of anyone who wishes
to peek behind the velvet
curtain...Prepare to get lost
for 82 minutes." |
 |
07.
Fatal Games (1984)
Media Home Entertainment VHS
• Full
Review
"Fatal Games
takes the locker room rulebook
and pisses all over it. Steroids
are legal. People wear leg-casts
over their slacks. Hot dogs
land in laps. This is a sports
team slasher that's blissfully
unconcerned with the concepts
of reality and filmmaking
aptitude...Not counting, of
course, the lesbionic gym
teacher. That's real."
|
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06.
Frankenstein Meets The Space
Monster (1965)
Dark Sky Films DVD •
Full
Review
"Emotions are the marrow
of trash cinema; everything
else just gets in the way...Frankenstein
Meets The Space Monster
is everything your mind expects
it to be; an accidental, impeccable
snapshot of black and white
trash. That's a rare thing,
indeed." |
 |
05.
Splatter: Architects Of Fear
(1986)
North American Home Video
Entertainment VHS •
Full
Review
"Splatter is
an on-set documentary about
the making of a fictitious
SOV film in 1986. Before you
leave the room, consider this
quote from our narrator, following
the explosion of a beer bottle:
'The effect would make even
Rambo proud.' Color me impressed...1986
sure was a good year."
|
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04.
Blood Splash aka Nightmares
In A Damaged Brain (1981)
Platinum Productions, Inc.
VHS • Full
Review
"A sleazy, cheap, and
somewhat rare slasher can't
possibly deliver against archetypical
scare films like The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre, let
alone the weight imposed by
a jail sentence. Oust the
doubt. Nightmares
can. And it will." |
 |
03.
Warlock Moon (1974)
Media Blasters DVD •
Full
Review
"Warlock Moon
is imperfect, yet commanding;
cumbersome, yet frightening.
It's the kind of exquisite,
scattered 1970s cheapo-horror
film that can only result
from a fluke occurrence...It's
not for everyone and that's
what counts." |
 |
02.
Iced (1988)
Prism VHS • Full
Review
"I've never snorted cocaine.
I have seen Bright Lights,
Big City, though. That
pretty much makes me an expert.
Therefore, I suspect that
a large amount of cocaine
was present during the writing,
shooting, and editing of Iced.
It's just that good."
|
 |
01.
Tales From The Quadead Zone
(1987)
Truegore DVD-R • Full
Review
"I don't know where Chester
Novell Turner is today, or
even where he was back in
1987. Regardless, I raise
my titty-mug to a vision that
knows no boundaries and accepts
no substitutes. If this is
life, I want to live it." |
RUNNER-UPS
There’s always room for a
little more love....meet the runner-ups.
My Brother Has Bad Dreams
(1972)
United Home Video VHS • Full
Review
The Mask (1961)
Rhino VHS • Full
Review
Deadly Love (1987)
Complete Entertainment Inc., VHS
• Full
Review
The Possession Of Nurse
Sherri (1978)
Retro Shock-O-Rama/ei Cinema DVD
• Full
Review
Scarecrows (1988)
Forum Home Video VHS • Full
Review |
