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BLOOD BEAT (1982)
Directed by Fabrice A. Zaphiratos
Trans World Entertainment VHS
Reviewed 12.21.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but somebody
around here seems to have an unhealthy
fixation on Samurai-induced orgasms.
I love the Holidays.
Christmas traditions vary. Some
enjoy the simple pleasures, such
as tinsel, egg nog, and the gift
of giving. Others are more involved,
throwing themselves into the spirit
with novelty sweatshirts and Santa
hats for their pets. Then there's
Sarah, star of the "unique"
Blood Beat. Sarah spends
her Christmas having dream-masturbation
sessions and multiple orgasms each
time a ghostly Samurai claims a
gory victim. Neat! And you know
what else? Sarah's boyfriend, Ted,
says "Hey, check out my guns!"
before attempting to bed her following
the gutting of a deer. The guns
look sweet, Ted. So does your movie.
Siblings Ted and Dolly are home
for the holidays. Mom's a basket-case
painter and Step-Dad Gary likes
to hunt and wear camouflage (even
his headphones are incognito!).
You already know Ted's girlfriend,
Sarah. She's along for the ride.
What ride, you ask? Search me. Basically,
Sarah finds a Samurai helmet in
an old hope chest and random people
start to get it good. There's a
water bed with a humongous Chicago
Bears super-fan in it. A possessed
kitchen flings a can of TAB. The
Samurai breathes heavy and glows
like Tron. The Christmas setting
is disposable, but the hysterical
Faces Of Pain are not.
Everything in Blood Beat
settles at wrong angles. Therefore,
the shot-in-Wisconsin-yet-edited-in-Paris
film (what?!) covers a lot of ground;
hilarity, boredom, and sudden disturbance
included. Like Disconnected,
it's an obscure regional no-budgeteur
that yearns to unsettle, but only
partly succeeds due to thrifty restrictions.
Annoying, aloof leads. Music that
consists of either a stick hitting
a fence or an habitual, ill-timed
string ensemble. A reliance on useless
padding that won't quit. Thankfully,
all of that stuff is easy to brush
aside in the presence of a colossal
wall of cold, detached weirdness.
It's in the subject matter and the
occasional bursts of artsy photography.
It peeks around the non-plot. And
yes, it's very much present during
the orgasmic kill scenes.
Blood Beat doesn't always
work properly, but it puts you in
a fine place. Hey! Check out my
guns!
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Very nice. Trans World had their
stuff in shape. The print roughs
it up just a bit, but this is one
of the clearest VHS tapes I've seen
in some time. Unfortunately, the
dialogue was mixed low, while the
music and sound effects were high.
The fence wailin' was killing me.
EXTRAS
Remember the big hub-bub about TAB’s
unhealthy ingredients in the mid
80s? Did they ever figure that stuff
out? Sarah? Samurai? Anyone?
FINAL THOUGHTS
You can't beat an old fashioned
Wisconsin Christmas. That is, unless
you own a katana blade. Zing! Blood
Beat is an intensely bizarre,
wholly original slasher, but doesn't
fill itself out. That's no reason
not to watch. |
Don't open 'til Christmas...trust
me.
My Dinner With Ditka
The ghost of Christmas Awesome
Calling John Wintergate!
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