BLOOD LAKE (1987)
Directed By Tim Boggs
United Home Video VHS
THE FILM
There are vacations and there are
vacations. When a group
of good ol' boys from Oklahoma decided
to bring a camcorder along on their
water-skiing, butt-metal wailing
weekend, the seas parted and universal
peace befell, if only for a few
days. Yes, it actually happened.
Just ask Lil' Tony.
Distributed by shot on video (SOV)
pioneers United Home Video, Blood
Lake is the most stupefied
SOV horror film that ever was. In
fact, I was so afraid that the characters'
traits were going to rub off on
my own day-to-day mannerisms that
I was forced to split the film into
two separate viewings. Simultaneously,
I laughed so hard that bitter tears
ran down my cheeks. Yes, bitter;
something so wretchedly depressing
has no right to be this...good.
Follow the tracks of my tears.
Just like Sledgehammer,
Blood Lake follows the
regional adventures of six teens
on a party quest weekend. There's
a raunchy old house, beer 'n' pot,
and quaint slang such as "muff
diving." At the fifty minute
mark, a killer who's all dressed
up for a suburban auto show appears
and divvies up the too-dark-to-see
gore. The motive? Unpaid real estate
debt. Read it again. A slasher is
on the loose because of in hock
bills. Think that's amazing? The
tip of the shit heap has only been
grazed.
Before the killer shows up, Blood
Lake devotes its five minute
master shots and choppy editing
to a day in the life of our heroes;
six teens with good ol' boy accents
and the hi-tops to match. Surely
there was no script in sight when
shooting began. It all boils down
to this: water skiing footage, locker
room innuendoes, sleeping, partying,
a game of quarters, gratuitous Laffun
Head cameo, and Lil' Tony. Lil'
Tony is a pre-teen Casanova; a mulleted,
sneering little s.o.b. with one
thing on his mind: NAILIN' CHICKS.
Anytime he opens his mouth, you'll
ache for a weapon. At the same time,
the cast makes it a point to harmonize
mumbled lines like "You fags
givin' up ahlreeddy?" with
stuff like "Duhde, you twisted
th' pretzel." Everyone talking
at once makes for a spectacular
viewing, trust me. For frosting,
add soundtrack hits like "Thru-Out
The Nite" and "Was It
Real" by fret-squeelers Voyager.
And then there's the ending. All
I'll say is this: The credits rolled
with "Dry Lake Special Visual
Effects By An Act Of God."
Somewhere out there, Tim Boggs is
laughing all the way to the bank.
Lil' Tony, wherever you are, I surely
hope that since the filming of Blood
Lake, you've scored with a
chick, grown some leg hair, and
widened your vocabulary. If not,
that's cool too. You can't mess
with the formula of a legend.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Out of all the SOV horror films
I've seen (that's a lot), this one
most resembles an actual home movie.
In other words, the film wasn't
shot on a fancy-schmancy public
TV show camera; this is straight
off the shelf in '87. No bells,
no whistles...well, excluding the
night vision scenes. There was a
blotch during the opening credits
that fuzzed out the title screen,
but other than that, the picture
and sound were just fine.
EXTRAS
There was an inexplicable close-up
of a spider after one of the kill
scenes. The extras just don't stop,
if you catch my drift.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Honestly, the first 50 minutes of
Blood Lake has to hold
a record for the most embarrassing
time capsule ever caught on video.
I cringed for these people, but
I also laughed 'til I had a headache.
You've got to see it.
Thanks to Dan Budnik for providing
a copy of this film!
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 09.30.05 |
Tony for prez
???
A killer and his lake
Stained planks
|
