BLOOD MASSACRE (1988)
Directed by Don Dohler
Star III Releasing VHS
THE FILM
This weekend, I watched Bodycount and Blood Massacre.
To the average reader, the response
is, "So what?" To the person who
knows these films, the response
should be, "Hmm, bet that was an
interesting evening." To my mother,
the response would be, "You're
so good with numbers why don't
you give up this writing and become
an accountant? Your Uncle Paul is
an actuary and he makes a lot of
money." All three are valid, for
what they're worth, but that
second one is the good one.
I threw on Bodycount with
a box of Triscuits and an A&W
Root Beer by my side. Immediately,
it was obvious that this was going
to be one of those 1980s SOVs that
try to look like a regular film
(like Blood
Cult or 555).
I kept watching because that's
not necessarily a bad thing. The
opening scene is set in a bar as
a band sings the theme song. In
fact, the words Bodycount
are sung as the title appears on
the screen. All I could hope for
was that this was some sort of insanity
on the filmmaker's part rather
than, again, trying to act like
a regular shot-on-film film. A couple
run into the park for smooching
and are shot. Hmmm...well, maybe
this isn't a horror movie.
It's not. It's a thriller
with cops and investigations and
all sorts of thriller chicanery.
Sadly, it's a pretty bland
thriller that kind of goes on and
on and then, at the climax, my tape
seized up and I never saw the ending.
I was cheesed off for 37 seconds
and then I put on Blood Massacre.
I took Blood Massacre straight,
no root beer. I guess I would call
myself a minor Don Dohler fan. I
love Fiend
but I don't really spaz around
for his other films. So, I fully
expected to have an amusing 72-minutes
and be on my way. I thought the
review would end with "If you're
like me, you'll want to watch
it and it's not bad." Well,
Blood Massacre opens in
a bar too. But, there is no theme
song and everyone is real ugly and
George Stover (playing the very
sleazy Rizzo) walks in. Something
about it is a little off. It's
the look or the feel or something
but it made the film feel like a
dream. All the music and dialogue
is muffled but the sound effects
are REALLY LOUD. Then, we cut to
a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.
A young woman drives up, meets the
nice family that lives there (although
dad's a bit goofy) and rents
a room. Back to Rizzo & Friends!
They are robbers. They go in a late
80s/early 90s video store with guns
blazin'. As you may have expected,
things go awry. Well, the robbers
and the family eventually meet up.
And...
I won't ruin it.
Blood Massacre has twists
and turns. It always looks a little
slimy and sleazy. When it looks
like it's about to grind to
a halt in a plotline you've
seen before, the way the characters
respond to events keeps it moving.
Something that seemed like a low-budget
goof-up turns out to be clever plotting.
When the final freeze frame hit,
I let out a "Yeahhh!" My dog looked
at me. My cat took off. My wife
requested that I keep it down as
she'd fallen asleep during
the opening credits. This is a good
Weird Movie.
Some of it has to do with the length.
A solid, odd movie can have a tough
time keeping up its indefinable
antics. (Don't
Go In The Woods flags a
little while the Sheriff wanders
around.) Bodycount was
at the 92-minute mark when my tape
seized and it was still going. Blood
Massacre is 72 minutes and
that is perfect. 72 seems to be
a good number. The
Last Slumber Party and
Another Son Of Sam
are both that length. Suffice it
to say, if a film is bland, brevity
is the key to making it worth watching
until the end. If a film is weird,
brevity makes sure that the oddness
stays firmly packed and that means
the film is that much more re-watchable.
And that, sort of, is kind of what
I'm after. A wall of great, weird
movies that can be enjoyed again
and again.
Blood Massacre is a "Sweet
Mother of Pearl!" movie. You go
in hoping for some atmosphere, maybe
a creepy moment or two, maybe a
laugh. What you get is a huge pile
of fun. Don Dohler strikes again!
The main thing that makes Bodycount
inferior to Blood Massacre
is the lack of that special "Feeling."
Bodycount feels like professionals
making a SOV movie. (Maybe not movie
professionals specifically...) Don
Dohler is at the head of the best
kind of amateur hour. Enthusiasm,
intelligence, creativity and verve
overcome the lack of lights or the
strange sound mix or the eccentricities
of the people acting it. It's all
of this mixed with that certain
special "whatever" that makes Blood
Massacre, in its own way, awesome.
You've been Dohlered! Wash your
hands before eating.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Video is hazy and dark but it all
works. It's like carrots in a stew.
Taken separately they may make you
gag but working together with the
meat and dumplings, it's good. Audio
is muffled throughout except for
the sound effects. Those are recorded
in "Foley-Rama!" The new technique
that makes it sound like there is
a Foley artist in your living room
stabbing things and punching people.
It's great. Another reason to pick
up the "Serial Psychos" DVD set
(the previously obscured Blood
Massacre shows up there, too).
Goofy box art not included.
EXTRAS
Isn't a blood massacre enough for
you? Good Heavens, you're insatiable.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This is a good one. Watch Blood
Massacre with Fiend
for an evening of "100% Pure Dohler."
— Dan Budnik, 03.01.07 |
Big box dreamz
Hang on to your libido
Ms. Cuckoo
Pray for Baltimore
|
