BLOODSPELL (1988)
Directed by Deryn Warren
Forum Home Video VHS
Reviewed 06.22.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Check it out. The role of Logger #1 is played by Rick "The Cheese" Jacobson. I had no idea! And get this; Logger #2 is Todd "Shred" Szabo! I haven't seen those S.O.B.'s since we re-chromed the rims on Rick's brother's Camaro back in '87. It really is a small world after all.

You'd think that including such astute nicknames in a credit roll would be the pinnacle of this film's ingenuity. Fat chance. Bloodspell is just warming up. Revvin' out of the '88 garage from the same super team behind the earlier Mirror Of Death (writer Jerry Daly and director Deryn Warren), "Bloodspell" is an impotent horror film that chances upon something more. Namely, posters of hot female body builders and a suicide note that reads, "I'm sorry. Debbie." I'm sorry. Pinch me.

Climb the steps of Saint Boniface, official split-level school to teenage pranks, Tab cans, and exploding TV remotes. A gang of emotionally troubled kiddos (Keanu Reeves act-a-like, black breakdancer, a couple of normal girls, fat guy asshole/comic relief) yell a lot. New guy Daniel seems to be possessed by the evil ghost of his Father. Naturally, he kills everyone by psychic suggestion. The fat guy, Joe, gets a face full of glass and his hand blown off, yet he never sets foot in a hospital. The House Mother gets her blouse doused with barf. Just when you think it can't get much better, Fat Joe lights Keanu's bedroom on fire. For a prank. Debbie, don't be sorry.

For the first hour, Bloodspell will transfix you with its fatheaded cast and a wonderful faith in sped-up photography at odd moments. Crossing the room to change the channel? Hanging out of a car window? Speed that shit up! Somewhere in there, an actress bumps into the camera and a nifty "opening the door" sound effect gets maximum overdrive (watch out, Hospital Massacre!). Unfortunately, the lovely brief gore gags and ethereal keyboard drones don't last forever. Bloodspell grinds down towards the end, piling on the dialogue and capping off with Disney flair. Fair enough. I was ready for bed anyway.

Carrying on in the grand tradition of Twisted Nightmare and Fatal Pulse (but not nearly as entertaining), Bloodspell surrounds itself with broomheads and the interesting things that they do. That reminds me. Time to call "Shred" and see what the hell he's been up to all these years.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
Was Bloodspell shot on video, then filtered to film? Or maybe an extremely clean print was birthed in an extremely crappy 16mm camera? Whatever the case, the print is washed and ugly; bland colors, worn picture, and no style. The stereo sound was embraced with the most analog fuzz I've ever heard on a VHS tape. I thought there was a thunderstorm outside.

EXTRAS
A trailer for Captive Rage appears before the film. Hope you like kicks to the groin, 'cause there are a lot of them.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Bloodspell isn't the most exciting supernatural slasher in the world (c'mon, they can't all be Killer Party), but it gets the job done. At least for an hour. Have faith in "The Cheese."

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