BLUSHING BLOOPERS (1988)
Directed by Dann Butts
Passport VHS
THE FILM
So, this cow takes a dump on Red Skeleton's stage.
Blooped.
Then, a woman talks about "makin' whoopee" on The Newlywed Game.
Blooped (not really).
Finally, a salesman at Ralph Williams' Bay Shore Chrysler-Plymouth says that Ralph Williams is here to "rape each and every citizen in the San Francisco bay area."
SUPER RAPE-BLOOPED.
After watching 15 minutes of Blushing Bloopers, I wanted to sleep for a month. After watching 50 minutes of Blushing Bloopers, I wanted to set my apartment on fire, knock down the elderly woman who lives next door, and blame it all on my dog. Clearly, a recommendation of this compilation cannot be justified. I mean, I know myself pretty well. I can get away with blaming some Blushing Bloopers-induced violence on the dog. But I don't know you or what you're capable of. So it would be in my best interest to deter you from seeking out this tape and (possibly) subsequently raping each and every citizen in your neighborhood.
Blushing Bloopers has no opening credits and no closing credits. There is no FBI warning, and no copyright information. It's just a hacksaw-edited assault of random "bloopers" from TV, films, and other A/V ephemera. And it looks terrible, as if it was filtered through one hundred EP VHS tapes in the summer of '83. I'd like to think that that's what really happened; a determined man spent a few years compiling his favorite "oops!" and "boing!" moments from thousands of hours of TV and created this, his own personal masterpiece. With that mindset, presentation voids content. And the experience is way more fun. Blushing Bloopers becomes an anonymous, reality-altering brick-to-the-nuts of hallucinatory visuals, black hole laughs, and uncomfortable confusion. Because we know all know about Laverne & Shirley. But when they're dubbed to tape four times over, showing us their cleavage and saying "shit" in washed-out splendor, everything changes. The familiar is misappropriated and the misappropriated becomes very, very strange. Yet, a double feature of Daisies and Hey, There's Naked Bodies On My TV! would achieve the same effect. And you'd feel much better about yourself in the morning.
So why even bother with Blushing Bloopers? Three simple reasons: The New Zoo Revue. Johnson's Baby Powder. And Ralph Williams' Bay Shore Chrysler-Plymouth. When strung together, these three clips probably add up to just under five minutes. But, you will cherish those five minutes…for the rest of your rape-blooping life.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Yeah. It's the worst. Mr. Butts can do better. And he has.
EXTRAS
For Blooper Month, which began March 24 and ran for the entire month of March, Dan chose Wedding Bloopers and Rodeo Bloopers 2. Those tapes were incredible. He scored. I got stuck with Star Trek Bloopers and this thing and I wanted to die. I can't even believe I was able to write this.
FINAL THOUGHTS
In researching Bloopers Month, I came across a tape called Midget Wrestling Bloopers. I was going to order it from Amazon, but the price was listed as $2.58. With shipping, this would have set me back $5.56. I thought, "Ah geez, that seems kind of steep for something I'll never watch again." Three weeks later, a receipt from Eddie Brandt's of North Hollywood for the amount of $6.59 sits on my kitchen table.
In conclusion, I got blooped by Blooper Month. Hard.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 03.31.11 |
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