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BODYCOUNT (1985)
Directed by Lionel Shenken
Avec Video VHS
Reviewed 11.09.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Bodycount is the only film
which forced me to scream "GET
THE FUNK OUT!" at my television
screen. The Funk don’t stop
there.
Credit roll. Shithole dive bar.
An atrocious Funk band jams ass
on -- you guessed it -- the Bodycount
theme song. Unfortunately, this
isn’t Ruggero Deodato’s
wooded slasher Camping del terrore
aka Body Count (1987).
Nope, this is another shot on video
(SOV) depression fit from Canada's
Emmeritus Productions. That said,
things can only go downhill from
here. Bingo. Now the screaming starts.
Bodycount lies somewhere
between an employee training film
and Targets. Only it's
not as enjoyable as either. The
non-gripping story concerns a serial
killer with cancer (he kills randomly
with a Magnum, like Dirty Harry),
a taxi cab driver and his sex life,
and those no-good, nosy cops. There's
a water bed. Conky from Pee
Wee's Playhouse probably had
some input on the soundtrack. Director
Lionel Shenken enjoys his dolly
shots. Since the film grinds in
numbing circles for 95 minutes,
with nary a hint of horrific know-how
to its name, we have to focus on
something else. No, not the most
embarrassing "Hey, I'm drunk!"
method acting in SOV history (step
off, Sledgehammer).
I'm talking about the cover art.
What is that? Seriously. What is
it? A bird's eye view of NASA space
shuttle exhaust? A woman's lingerie-clad
thigh? Purple grid lines and cut-out
humans point towards the sky above.
They reach. Towards heaven? Damn.
Did the Executive Creative Director
over at Avec Video find spiritual
salvation in the form of Bodycount?
If so, did he or she feel that this
was the best way to clearly articulate
that exhilaration? As a wise man
once said, it's worth thinking about.
The Emmeritus grade curve goes a
little something like this: Survival
1990; F-minus. Shock
Chamber; F. Bodycount;
F-plus. I've got one more film from
the big "E" in my collection.
Blue Murder might have
D-minus written all over it, but
do I dare to find out?
Aw, Funk it.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Slicker than most SOVs. Quite possibly,
a professional had a hand in the
production. Quite possibly, I'm
just making this up.
EXTRAS
I'm going to go with a woman's lingerie-clad
thigh. Can I help it if I like things
sexy?!
FINAL THOUGHTS
I'm fresh out of Funk. It's not
likely that you'll ever come across
a copy of Bodycount. If
you do, just keep on walking. This
one isn't as torturous as other
Emmeritus offerings, but there's
nothing to gain from watching it.
Boo. |
Happiness is a warm water bed
Can't get enough
Giving 'em the F word
Ode to the gunshot
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