DEADLY LOVE (1987)
Directed by Michael O'Rourke
Complete Entertainment, Inc. VHS
Reviewed 05.18.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
The question burns: What is deadly love?

Deadly love is carving a loved one's name in your palm. Deadly love is defending your girlfriend with "I'm gonna give you 10 seconds to get out of here 'fore I start wailin' on your head with this shovel!" Deadly love is forcing yourself on someone while wearing a "That's Incredible!" t-shirt. And tight-rolled camouflage pants. What is Deadly Love? I dare you to find out.

The theme song is called "Forever Together." It repeats itself exactly 11 times. Did somebody say repeat? Deadly Love is an 84 minute film comprised of 50 minutes of recycled footage. It may have been shot on video (SOV) somewhere outside of Hollywood, then transferred to film stock for home video release. The actors might not be real humans. If the facts sound iffy, I apologize. Triple overlapping soundtracks, family reunion zooming skills, and four mongoloids in a Jeep Cherokee tend to cloud one's sense of procedure. If you've got a problem with that, I'll give you 10 seconds 'fore I start wailin' with this shovel. Time's up.

Move over, Night School. An undead motorcycle-gear killer will protect his beloved Annie at all costs; be it in 1965 (mullets, Reeboks, drum machine) or 1987 (mullets, Spuds McKenzie, beer). Twenty years after the tragic death of her true love, Buddy, Annie commits suicide in the bathtub. Those clods in the Jeep should've minded their own business. When Annie's niece inherits the family estate, they're in for a big dose of deadly love. Is Buddy really back from the grave? Should the cameraman zoom again? Not zoom? A little of both? Only "The Encyclopedia Of Ancient And Forbidden Knowledge By Zoltar" knows for sure.

Director Michael O'Rourke only made one film after Deadly Love (the camping slasher Moon Stalker) before moving on to screenplay work (Hellgate), but his legacy didn't need it. A gore soaked double ending, endless footage reiterations, no clear plot, actors in the throes of enemas, no budget; this is true (maybe) SOV beauty. True beauty leads to love. Love leads to you-know-what.

Despite all of this, the question still burns: What is deadly love? The answer, perhaps, was never meant to be known.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
Video: Camcorder, film filtered, and perfect. Audio: Compressor, hiss filtered, and also perfect. The worn out tape blips only make it better.

EXTRAS
Thank you, Complete Entertainment Inc. The trailer for Side Roads, a "dangerously erotic thriller," does things with casinos, car explosions, and the word "fuck" that I never thought possible.

FINAL THOUGHTS
If you love Deadly Love too much, you'll probably die. That's obvious, right? It's worth it. This film is a masterstroke of stupid people doing illogical things in 1987. Find it.

Classic cool


That's Incredible!


Annie Razorino


Deadly love