DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN
aka ASSIGNMENT TERROR (1969)
Directed by Tulio Demichelli
United American VHS
Reviewed 04.28.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Your assignment for this evening is quite simple. First, insert this tape into your VCR. Next, wait five minutes. Fall asleep. Hold for 77 minutes. Strictly adhere to the preceding steps and all the glorious sleep that you’ve been robbed of in the past week will be caught up in spades. Trust me, it’ll work.

Assignment Terror, a Spanish-German-Italian production starring Paul Naschy, has been on my must-see list for a long time. Looks like I’ll be waiting a bit longer. Presented here is the heavily cut American version of that film under the title Dracula Vs. Frankenstein. The good news is that this film turned out to be very strange. The bad news is that it contained less thrills than a televised golf match capped with a bottle of Robitussen.

If it wasn’t for the box description, I’d have no idea what was going on. Apparently, a group of aliens are trying to inhabit earth due to the waning resources of their home planet. In order to help, they revive the werewolf, Waldemar Daninsky, Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula, and a mummy. From there, the ridiculous looking monsters (save for Naschy’s always interesting werewolf) sulk around in a basement laboratory while a by-the-books mad scientist named Varnoff (Michael Rennie) “punishes” his attractive female assistants with electrodes and mind control. Dracula does not meet Frankenstein. Nothing much happens and the whole thing is dubbed.

More of an odd, nonsensical mess of random footage than anything resembling a finished film, Dracula Vs. Frankenstein does not deliver the goods. While I enjoyed the haphazard aspects of the film, the monsters appear on screen for maybe a total of ten minutes, which mostly consisted of eye close-ups and head shots. So what’s left? The rail thin plot rambles on to nowhere, the score defines stupidity, characters are introduced, then killed, and some nasty open heart surgery footage pops in to catch you off guard. Things pick up a bit towards the end when the werewolf takes on Frankenstein’s monster and the mummy. It's too dark to see what's going on though. Good night.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
This is one terrible print. Half of the dialogue is missing due to jump cuts and scratches are out of control. The whole thing appears slightly stretched, with some definite cropping problems as well. Colors are almost completely washed out, the print is overly dark, and the mono sound is a bit muffled.

EXTRAS
Not even an FBI warning.

FINAL THOUGHTS
As much as I wanted to enjoy this film, it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe worth a look once for the intrigued, but otherwise, keep this stinker in the vaults. I’m still on the prowl for Assignment Terror...

Mucho-brow Frankie


Telephone tussle


Not f'in around


Nutty Naschy