EDGE OF THE AXE (1988)
Directed by Joseph Braunstein aka
José Ramón Larraz
Forum Home Video VHS
THE FILM
I thought I knew all there was to
know about women. I was wrong. Very
wrong.
José Ramón Larraz
(Vampyres) is no stranger
to photographing beautiful women.
The wisdom now spreads. Following
up his similarly-constructed-yet-completely-dull
Rest
In Pieces, Edge Of
The Axe finds Larraz in the
role of omniscient advisor. Open
up your ears. In addition to the
terrific (and vicious) old school
slasher sparks, this film places
a firm finger on the pulse of women
everywhere. They do not enjoy the
term "bodacious ta-tas".
They do not appreciate having their
names immortalized in impromptu
song ("Maria, I'd like to play
with your teet-ah!"). They
do, however, find terms such as
"Memory Logs" and "Central
Terminal" to be intensely sexy.
So simple, and yet...so complicated.
You have entered the forests of
Northern California. A killer, clad
in a nifty Michael Myers knock-off
mask and rain slicker, enjoys hacking
people (and pigs) with a shiny axe.
He also hangs around at the car
wash. Meanwhile, two complete buffoons
(one a computer expert, one an exterminator)
drive around and reiterate punchlines.
The computer whiz has invented e-mail
and the internet. His computer talks
as well. Phenomenal. The guy installs
an old computer in his new girlfriend's
house. She's also a member of the
world's worst church choir. The
killing continues. A woman weeps
about bankruptcy and her younger,
cheating husband (the exterminator!).
None of this ties together. No matter.
Resolution is nothing in the presence
of divine wisdom.
Feeling disjointed? Edge Of
The Axe lays out as a series
of casual contradictions. Despite
the mess, the film still yields
a pretty good time. Get on the edge:
MIDI country rock knocks around
with fresh jams from the desk of
DJ Jazzy Jeff. Realistic and frightening
kill scenes swap space with frequent
hilarity. The Sheriff (mid-sized,
not fat) flubs lines and mumbles,
while speedboat padding passes the
time. Larraz shows off a stylish
eye whenever the killer shows up,
but he tends to play it safe everywhere
else. Nobody has sex or flashes
the camera, yet the girls get ready
for it in a flurry of computer lingo.
See? All this and another
insight to boot.
I was wrong, but now I'm right.
"Teet-ah" is no longer
a part of my vocabulary.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Real quick: The music and sound
effects were way too loud. Everything
else was on track.
EXTRAS
I feel very tough. Trailers for
No Safe Haven ("When
Wings Hauser seeks revenge, there's
No Safe Haven!" and Mob
War ("Yo! We gotta hit
The Don!") will flex it out
and pump you up.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Forget about Sylvester Stallone
circa Cobra. José
Ramón Larraz is your new
male mentor. Edge Of The Axe
is a mash-up of stunning slasher
force and hilarious everything-else.
Warm up the Central Terminal; your
time will not be spent in vain.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 10.12.06 |
Maximum RAM
All in the shades
Terrific!
Alone in the basement
|
