FRENCHMAN’S FARM (1987)
Directed By Ron Way
Magnum Entertainment VHS
Reviewed 09.01.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Thanks to this insightful film, I’ve got a taste for genuine Australian culture. Did you know: it really was chop chop for men in the mid 80s outback to wear rainbow short-shorts and neon yellow socks, all while sporting deadly mullets. Wow -- just like the good ol’ USA! I guess we all speak the international language of Bad Ass Style.

Ok, aside from the alarming fashions and “computer” fixations (“Check the computer room,” “Look at the computer read out,” and my fave, “That’s computerized bullshit!”), Frenchman’s Farm isn’t a film to laugh with. Not really. There, I said it. Instead, this Australian chiller sets up a unique premise, stumbles in the midsection, and bops you over the head without any warning whatsoever. If you can make it through the extra servings of talk, you'll find a quaint little terror yarn, nicely suited for nights of lazy indifference. Before you stop reading, there IS a band involved at first...but we only get to see the end-of-set fanfare. No songs = complete tease. At least they wore nylon headbands.

Jackie is a college student with frizzy hair and skinny legs. Driving out to meet her lawyer/rockstar beau, Barry, she drives along a sideroad to avoid a large brush fire. How's that for plot advancement? Anyway, she disappears and reappears on Frenchman's Farm in 1944, witnesses a head-chopping murder at the hands of a gimpy killer, then mysteriously reappears in the 80s. Naturally, Jacks becomes obsessed with what she saw, determined to get to the bottom of the mysterious murder. The rest of the film is spent snooping around the old town where Frenchman's still stands. Everyone talks a lot, but little of what they say makes sense. There's a skinny dipping scene (just butts) and the killer's ghost reappears once in awhile to induce some shudders. As for the time travel? Forget about it, because that's what the movie does.

Normally, you'd expect a talky, semi-padded horror film to book you on a trip to dreamland. Though tame in nature, Frenchman's Farm succeeds in its humble set up, as long as you let it. There's nothing grabbing about Ron Way's direction (his only feature), not much to praise about the acting (other than it wasn't terrible); this is a plain jane in the realm of 80s horror. On the other hand, the plot remains unique, kind of like Back To The Future on the heels of Grandma's House, at least in overall feel. The dusty, enormous locations stand in nicely for an obvious tight budget and there's even a jump or two (in case you're watching this with a date, of course). I only have one major gripe: the bombastic orchestral score. It'll make you puke. Bring on the band, please.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
A little on the worn side, but definitely satisfactory. That hypnotic cover must have tempted a few customers back in the day. The audio was mixed in magnificent stereo; the prog-rock/Alice Cooper theme song kicked my pants off.

EXTRAS
Holy shit. Before the feature, Magnum unleashes TWO M.A.D.D. public service announcements featuring...Howie Mandel. You figure it out.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Better than you'd expect, but certainly not essential. However, I will be stopping by Sears this weekend, demanding that they give me the full Frenchman's Farm makeover. Of course they'll know what I'm talking about...don't you?

Grandma Bob


Touchdown


Very serious decisions


The secret of FF