FRIGHT HOUSE (1988)
Directed by Len Anthony
Shooting Star Video VHS
Reviewed 07.20.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Around the 45 minute mark, I started fast-forwarding. While watching the lines fly by, I fell asleep. Then, the chick-chack of the ejecting tape woke me up. The magic is only beginning.

Abracadabra! Four separate title screens. Hocus-pocus! Wet mullets that grow (and disappear) by themselves. Shazam! Conversations that continue after people move onto something else. Clearly, there's a mysticism in the air. Please open the window. Cobbled from two separate mid-80s disasters courtesy producer-director Len Anthony, Fright House is a New York-shot "anthology" that does not bring it all together. Hesitant? Well, the back of the box refers to a "superb soundtrack" from Mr. Tony Bongiovi. Yeah, that's Bongiovi, NOT Bon Jovi. Get it right! Tony hates that shit.

Sleeping through Fright House is like witnessing a four hour block of film dailies without the benefit of context. The first mini-film, "Fright House", follows the exploits of a bambino detective, his captain (Al "Grampa" Lewis), a girl named Darlissa, and a satanic coven of naked bimbos. Strange artificial tanlines, hairy chests, and a stand-up comic do not rule the roost. In "Abadon" (not "Abandon"), a tarot card psychic (Duane Jones from Night Of The Living Dead) checks out an art school while students get nosebleeds and work in graphite. There's a bit of narration, more boobs, and stop-motion blobs. The wand is still waving, but I can't go on.

Len Anthony may very well consider Runaway Nightmare to be a special climax in filmed entertainment. That would explain a lot. The empty, unproductive Fright House is more of a mess than the similar Terrifying Tales, but just as dull. Amidst all the random footage (some shot on video), runny gore, and flagrant nudity lies a method of filmmaking that escapes rational thought. Unrelated inserts (most of them nude women) jam through conversations, while significant plot points evade our view. People talk about things, but I'm not sure why. Did I mention that the film lasts for 110 minutes?

Ala kazam! Hit it, Bongiovi!

AUDIO AND VIDEO
Forget about the picture quality. It's all about the Stereo sound and the audio scientists who control it. Dialogue flip-flops between speakers, but mostly lands in the left. Everything else is panned right, including Bongiovi's Tears For Fears "homages". Genius.

EXTRAS
Shooting Star's logo montage makes me feel like hitting the beach. I hate the beach.

FINAL THOUGHTS
At the end of Fright House's first segment, a maniacal voice booms: "No, it's not over yet! I've still got another terrible tale to tell you! Haw haw haw!" Pray you don't make it that far.

Al for sale


Who let the dawgs out?


Too much Bongiovi


Maximum video