FROZEN SCREAM (1975)
Directed by Frank Roach
Continental Home Video VHS
Reviewed 01.19.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Love or Immortality. Which one? It's a tough decision. Maybe "...if you minded your own affairs, you would not have been brought to these circumstances." Confused? Renee Harmon isn't.

For a decade beginning in 1975, German producer-actress Renee Harmon had a hand in some of the most remarkably defective American genre films of all time. From her association with director James Bryan (Don't Go In The Woods...Alone! and pretty much everything else she did) to that oh-so-sexy android accent, Ms. Harmon's talents are clearly immeasurable by our Earthly instruments. By my calculations, she is now doing one of two things: 1. Retired and living fruitfully off of her "How To Make An Independent Film" book career, or 2. Sitting on a cloud next to God. They might both be true. Regardless, Frozen Scream is Renee Harmon's debut, in which she served as both actress and producer. Get yourself ready.

It's not clear who these people are. Ann Gerard? Sven Johnsson? Bah. I don't have time for this. Especially when Renee Harmon is busy attaching velcro to people's necks, in order to make them immortal zombies. The zombies have large mustaches and sleep standing up in someone's broom closet freezer. Is it for "love" or "immortality"? That's a question on everyone's minds. Once in awhile, the zombies attack people with axes and knives, leading to some rubbery gore on par with something you'd see in The Slayer. Meanwhile, Renee invades the dreams of Ann, who's husband might now be a zombie. Kevin is a cop. He loves Ann. They all go to a warehouse party and dance to a 50s-styled rock band that sings "Jack Around the Shack" to Bill Haley's "Rock Around The Clock." In a beach flashback on Halloween night, a priest asks Ann, "This thing about immortality -- do ya think that's Pagan?" A sluggish blonde shows her nipple. A black hooded executioner appears in a window. Then, it all comes together!

"Down with the plot!" said producer Harmon. "Okey-dokey! Let's do it!" added director Frank Roach. With that, Frozen Scream became the terrible trash horror film of your dreams. Since there was no story to speak of, the filmmakers were free to roam. That means using household items for a soundtrack, post dubbing with talking Go-Bots instead of humans, and slicing dry scenes with deadpan bouts of monotone narration. Scene selection and order were definitely chosen by a drunken hand of Go Fish. The editing followed suit. Example: If a zombie follows Ann out of a house, then suddenly disappears when she reaches the exterior, don't worry about it. Roach just drew a bad card. It won't make sense in the end, but little in life ever does. That's the beauty of the cinema.

Boring lows. Hysterical highs. No middleground. Right on through to the fiercely downbeat ending, Frozen Scream lays down the new principles for Outstanding Bullshit Caught On Film. If you don't fall in love with it, there's something wrong. Yep, you're probably IMMORTAL.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
If nothing else, Continental is consistent. Their tapes usually feature high contrast, slightly washed prints with a fair amount of damage. Bingo! As is the case with the other Continental VHS double feature I've had the pleasure of experiencing, Frozen Scream appears to have been trimmed of approximately ten minutes to fit a 75 minute runtime. I have no idea what scenes were cut. It truly doesn't matter.

EXTRAS
There's nothing quite like a sequel to a film that doesn't exist. Executioner, Part II appears first on this tape, but it's not a horror film. It's for real men. Directed by James Bryan and once again starring producer Renee Harmon, this is Frozen Scream, but with grenades. Follow The Executioner and his vigilant crusade against The Tattoo Man, complete with a rape scene, Vietnam atrocities, and teenage hookers! Stogie-dependent cop Chris Mitchum deals in fists and feet while nozy reporter Renee tags along. Her thick German accent is perfectly suited for TV anchor work. During an early Vietnam flashback scene, an ADR actor yells "bang!" and a guy convulses from the wound. The Executioner puts a grenade down someone's pants and then a building blows up. And just wait for the pot smoking scene. Beautiful.

FINAL THOUGHTS
I chose love. Frozen Scream chose immortality. We both won. See this thought provoking milestone of cinematic form at any and all costs. If you feel like killing yourself, pick a night and watch Frozen Scream back to back with Executioner II. In one sitting. I dare you.

Fear of the 'stache


Frozen Dreamz


Dr. Renee


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