GORGON VIDEO MAGAZINE (1989) Directed by Stuart S. Shapiro
Gorgon/MPI Home Video VHS
THE FILM
A back cover blurb warns, "Not for Beach Boy fans!" What? Who is that? Will it affect me? Fifteen minutes later and all is understood.
KNB EFX Guy Number Three: "If the ratings board people all go to hell, they should be forced to watch Freddy's Nightmares forever!"
KNB EFX Guy Number One: "Ha ha! Yeah!"
I guess I just wasn't made for these times.
1989 looks a little peaked. Of course, I am a Beach Boy(s) fan and pushing 30. Therefore, THIS IS NOT FOR ME. But if you're 12 and fresh for "Blizzard Of Oz" t-shirts, listening to "dudes" talk about foam latex, catch phrases such as "Stay twisted!", and the band GWAR, then Gorgon Video Magazine is most certainly for you. Or, it was for you back in '89. Come to think of it, I'm not sure who this was made for. Definitely not Beach Boy fans. They're a bunch of fags.
Gorgon Video Magzazine is the first (and last) of a proposed series of bi-monthly horror vid-zine compilations from Gorgon/MPI Home Video. It's kind of like watching Splatter: Architects Of Fear and a bunch of Dokken videos all in one sitting...but real!! As expected, the net result of this inconsistent, 75 minute mishmash is one part hilarity, one part stagnation, and two parts junior high. Choose your own nostalgia.
The Gorgon Follies: Host Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes) auditions for American Gladiators. He didn't make it. Wes Craven's Shocker is probably going to be better than Last House On The Left (duh). You're already familiar with the KNB EFX guys. Linnea Quigley debuts clips from Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout (I'm speechless) while talking about something. A young(er) Lloyd Kaufman, clad in a red jogging suit and blue sweat pants, leads a Troma tour. Rick Sullivan of "The Gore Gazette" presents four not-really-reviews-but-just-a-bunch-of-clips from Cameron's Closet, Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer, Vicious, and Bad Taste. Live French performance art (?!!). Digest versions of A Bucket Of Blood and Attack Of The Giant Leeches. GWAR performs, then "GWAR Slaves" are interviewed, which may be the most embarrassing two minutes of fandom ever caught on video. The tape wraps up with trailers for Death Spa, Girlfriend From Hell, and Judgement Day, but the horror lifestyle does not. As evidenced, that's 24-7.
Did you know that the three guys who run KNB EFX like to watch horror movies? Fascinating.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
I noticed two things: One, a recurring horizontal blip, and two, a MIDI keyboard version of Nirvana's "Blew" as a theme song. All bases are covered.
EXTRAS
The end-credit roll throws up a "Special Thanks To Your Mom". Nice. A Beach Boy fan would never stoop to that level.
FINAL THOUGHTS
STAY TWISTED! Actually, don't. The very obscure Gorgon Video Magazine was an interesting, flawed concept which exists solely for laughs today. It might be better than 1990's Metalhead Video Magazine Volume 2, but I'm scared to check. So, unless you're dying to add that Death Spa trailer to your collection, just let it be. On a related note, someone please send me a copy of Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout as soon as possible. I'd like to feel the burn.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 04.12.07 | 
When you're on, you're on
"The zombies are aerobicizing, they feel good and everything."
Stay twisted
How to pick up chicks
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