GORGON VIDEO MAGAZINE (1989)
Directed by Stuart S. Shapiro
Gorgon/MPI Home Video VHS
THE FILM
A back cover blurb warns, "Not
for Beach Boy fans!" What?
Who is that? Will it affect me?
Fifteen minutes later and all is
understood.
KNB EFX Guy Number Three: "If
the ratings board people all go
to hell, they should be forced to
watch Freddy's Nightmares
forever!"
KNB EFX Guy Number One: "Ha
ha! Yeah!"
I guess I just wasn't made for these
times.
1989 looks a little peaked. Of course,
I am a Beach Boy(s) fan and pushing
30. Therefore, THIS IS NOT FOR ME.
But if you're 12 and fresh for "Blizzard
Of Oz" t-shirts, listening
to "dudes" talk about
foam latex, catch phrases such as
"Stay twisted!", and the
band GWAR, then Gorgon Video
Magazine is most certainly
for you. Or, it was for you back
in '89. Come to think of it, I'm
not sure who this was made for.
Definitely not Beach Boy fans. They're
a bunch of fags.
Gorgon Video Magzazine
is the first (and last) of a proposed
series of bi-monthly horror vid-zine
compilations from Gorgon/MPI Home
Video. It's kind of like watching
Splatter: Architects Of Fear
and a bunch of Dokken videos all
in one sitting...but real!! As expected,
the net result of this inconsistent,
75 minute mishmash is one part hilarity,
one part stagnation, and two parts
junior high. Choose your own nostalgia.
The Gorgon Follies: Host Michael
Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes)
auditions for American Gladiators.
He didn't make it. Wes Craven's
Shocker is probably going
to be better than Last House
On The Left (duh). You're already
familiar with the KNB EFX guys.
Linnea Quigley debuts clips from
Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout
(I'm speechless) while talking about
something. A young(er) Lloyd Kaufman,
clad in a red jogging suit and blue
sweat pants, leads a Troma tour.
Rick Sullivan of "The Gore
Gazette" presents four not-really-reviews-but-just-a-bunch-of-clips
from Cameron's Closet,
Henry: Portrait Of A Serial
Killer, Vicious, and
Bad Taste. Live French
performance art (?!!). Digest versions
of A Bucket Of Blood and
Attack Of The Giant Leeches.
GWAR performs, then "GWAR Slaves"
are interviewed, which may be the
most embarrassing two minutes of
fandom ever caught on video. The
tape wraps up with trailers for
Death Spa, Girlfriend
From Hell, and Judgement
Day, but the horror lifestyle
does not. As evidenced, that's 24-7.
Did you know that the three guys
who run KNB EFX like to watch horror
movies? Fascinating.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
I noticed two things: One, a recurring
horizontal blip, and two, a MIDI
keyboard version of Nirvana's "Blew"
as a theme song. All bases are covered.
EXTRAS
The end-credit roll throws up a
"Special Thanks To Your Mom".
Nice. A Beach Boy fan would never
stoop to that level.
FINAL THOUGHTS
STAY TWISTED! Actually, don't. The
very obscure Gorgon Video Magazine
was an interesting, flawed concept
which exists solely for laughs today.
It might be better than 1990's Metalhead
Video Magazine Volume 2, but
I'm scared to check. So, unless
you're dying to add that Death
Spa trailer to your collection,
just let it be. On a related note,
someone please send me a copy of
Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout
as soon as possible. I'd like to
feel the burn.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 04.12.07 |
When you're on, you're on
"The zombies are aerobicizing,
they feel good and everything."
Stay twisted
How to pick up chicks
|
