HALLOWEEN NIGHT (1988)
aka HACK-O-LANTERN
Directed by Jag Mundhra
Atlas Entertainment VHS
THE FILM
Formalities are a hassle. This is
Halloween Night. Somebody's
going down.
Halloween Night aka Hack-O-Lantern
loosely organizes itself around
three siblings, their satanic grandpa's
Hallow's Eve voodoo, and a steady
stream of goofy, gold-plated shit.
No rules, no (sensical) plot, and
no need for either. Also, the gun-toting
bimbo on the back cover does not
appear in the film...but I think
her sister does! Satisfied? I hope
not. We haven't even begun to fight.
Tommy lies on his bed, losing himself
in the thrill of a Walkman. He whispers,
"I can hear nuthin' anymore."
A video-length rock 'n' roll fantasy
begins. Pouted lips. Bicycle shorts.
Medieval guitars. A song called
"Devil's Son." Amazonian
laser beams which turn cymbals into
shrunken heads. The band is D.C.
La Croix. Their mission? To La Croix
your pants off. Success.
Later, a Halloween party is underway.
After graveyard sex, basement weight
lifting, full frontal stripteasin',
hesitant gore from a rubber-masked
Satan killer, endless de-sexified
nudity, and whiffs of incest, relief
is obviously in order. Comedic relief,
that is. Outside of the party, a
stand-up comic bursts into a sudden
flurry of Dana Carvey-meets-Open
Mic Night precision. He was not
funny, yet I laughed many, many
times. I kept waiting (and waiting)
for this slob to sniff some cocaine,
but he vanished after the pentagram
ass-branding sequence. And a SECOND
performance from a DIFFERENT metal
band called The Mercenaries. Squelch
any doubts. Tonight, victory is
ours.
Trick
Or Treats gave it a good
shot. Hollow
Gate crept closer. Shot
in dingy 16mm somewhere in Los Angeles
and released straight to video,
Halloween Night is the
most entertaining Halloween-themed
trash film you'll ever see. Director
Jag Mundhra (earlier: Open House;
later: lots of softcore porn) is
well aware of that fact. Aside from
the wandering, too-good-to-be-true
happenings, this film was afforded
the advantage of being birthed by
a group of filmmakers who couldn't
have cared less. Arbitrary dubbing
that isn't always dubbed (whoops!).
Actors who shit a brick at the slightest
hint of emotion. Genius mis-casting
of Hy Pyke (Slithis)
as the murderous, sissified gramps.
Ridiculously lazy Halloween costumes.
Obviously, the persistence speaks
for itself.
As the credits rolled, my head followed.
Then the Unit Production Manager
nod scrolled by. It read: "Dude".
God help me.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Grainy, drab, but colorful. Yep,
pretty much perfect. FYI, the film
was first released in an identical
print (save for the title card)
as Hack-O-Lantern from
Legacy Entertainment. Be a true
fan and find them both.
EXTRAS
It just doesn't stop. Want to see
a digest version of Madonna,
the $1.50 softcore version of Fatal
Attraction? Atlas makes it
happen. Cruise on past the credits
and check out another trailer for
Lights! Camera! Murder!
Lights! Camera! Satisfaction!
FINAL THOUGHTS
I'm still blunted. Halloween
Night has everything. It's
the kind of asinine, late 80s trash
film that seems to only exist in
dreams. But then you actually see
it. Find a copy as soon as possible.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 10.26.06 |
I love L.A.
Stand-up messiah
Hy as a Pyke
Shovel party
|
