HOLLOW
GATE (1988)
Directed By Ron Dizazzo
City Lights Home Video VHS
THE FILM
Those goddamn dirty step-fathers.
Always drunk, always traumatizing
the kids. On second thought, without
those jerks we’d never have
plot momentum for shot on video
(SOV) flatulence like Hollow
Gate. Bless their goddamn dirty
hearts.
Ron Dizazzo, come on down! You’re
the next in a long line of SOV writer/directors
to grace the world with a sole filmic
message before dropping off the
face of the earth, at least movie-wise.
Taking the more traditional route,
Ron and pals serve up this regional
slasher (shot in Oklahoma, I believe)
with a baffling plot and a lack
of excess. Except for two things:
1. Hollow Gate has the
distinct advantage of featuring
Mr. Richard Dry in the role of Allen,
a young Harold Ramis lookalike that
never appeared in another film (believe
me, after this performance he couldn’t
have had much left), and 2. A boatload
of actors fresh from the school
of “This movie is a shot to
show what I can REALLY do,”
including two gay men proudly reciting
lines about brewskis and hot chicks.
Now if only they added an elephantine
car explosion...hold the phone!
Got it.
It’s Halloween night, twelve
years ago. Instead of berating his
stepson Mark Walters about not scoring
a touchdown, ol’ stepdad gets
all steamed up about an apple-bobbing
contest. He says, “Sissy...even
the girls can do it!” and
then proceeds to dunk Mark in the
apple tank. Big mistake, a-hole.
Ten years later, on another Halloween
night, Mark works at a gas station.
So tragic. A vampiric couple stop
by, tell Mark to fill ‘er
up, and start doing it in the front
seat. Panties are removed, insults
are lobbed, and Mark blows up the
car. Two years later, yet another
Halloween night, a woman refuses
Mark’s offer to go to the
movies. Guess what happens? After
an extended stay at the local looney
bin, Mark moves in with his grandma
at Hollow Gate, a musty old mansion
on the outskirts of town. When a
group of “teens” en
route to a party stop by the Gate
to deliver some Halloween costumes
(WHAT?!), Marky gets greedy. Still
crazy, he begins to pick off the
cast, donning a different generic
costume and accent each time. Yeah,
they did it in Bloody
Movie and Fade To Black,
but did those movies feature a killer
that was fond of calling his victims
“gooks” while dressed
as a 'Nam vet? I think not.
There’s very little gore,
the plot is inhumanly stupid, padding
puts in a large guest appearance;
embrace the healing power of laughter.
Richard Dry’s spastic panic
attacks and Hulk-like line readings
can’t possibly be real. The
city-slicker lawyers should never
shave their glorious mustaches.
The costume shop owner made a good
choice in getting his ear pierced.
The cherubic Final Girl definitely
didn’t want to be there. Grandma’s
yarn paintings were absolutely beautiful.
The killer Golden Retrievers had
me holding on for dear life. And
slasher fiend Mark Walters? Thank
god Dizazzo set this up for a sequel.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Despite a few white lines, the occasional
high pitch squeal, and volume that
fluctuated without the aid of a
remote control, pretty awesome!
EXTRAS
City Lights has a really classy
logo screen that features the Chicago
skyline. Home sweet home.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Hollow Gate was drudging,
thickheaded, and riddled with clichés.
So why did I enjoy myself so much?
It’s the late 80s. It’s
a SOV horror film. There’s
always something there to remind
me...
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 08.18.05 |
Mark, you sly dog
Nasty
Richard's Poop-Face®
Urrgh, I'm bloated!
|
