HOLLYWOOD HIGH (1976) Directed by Patrick M. Wright
Vestron VHS
THE FILM
Fuck off, Fonzie! WE WANT THE FENZ.
Eight months ago, I moved from Chicago to Hollywood. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before I developed an insatiable appetite for Hollywood-themed T&A sex comedies. It all began through a casual encounter with Malibu Beach. That film featured a running gag concerning a dog's proclivity for bikini-top removal. Genius. Soon after, I stumbled upon Hollywood Hot Tubs and its inexplicable appropriation of that consummate showman, The Burt Reynolds Impersonator. Weeks passed. Films were consumed. The end was not nigh. And then...
Hollywood High lasts for 81 minutes. Out of those 81, exactly 4 do not contain an atrocious sexual innuendo. Furthermore, the film does not star Henry Winkler as The Fonz. It stars Kevin Mead as The Fenz. Fenzie is just like Fonzie, except he wheezes "Heey!" instead of "Aaay!" and forgets his lines. The film also delivers midget-sex-as-currency, beaches without sunlight, a group sex fixation, uncomfortable bouts of silence, and a seven minute food fight that ends with a cop's bare ass and a plate of spaghetti. Later on, that same cop pisses on his shoes as an old silent movie star named "June East" porks a tiger. Large, mostly-bare breasts are everywhere at all times. There is no plot.
I think you understand.
Sprung from the fertile creative juices of producer Peter Perry (Kiss Me Quick!, Honeymoon Of Terror) and director Patrick M. Wright (look him up), Hollywood High is pure madness. Think of it as the T&A sex comedy equivalent of Tales From The Quadead Zone by way of a Turkish Kentucky Fried Movie. That is, this film is so desperately alien to our understanding of human mannerisms and reality, in both subject matter and presentation, that incomprehension inevitably serves as gutter-trash bliss. This is an anti-reality populated only by those who appear onscreen. Edits, compositions, and cutaway inserts are dictated by random pointlessness. People bond in toilet stalls and strange Moog blips override Keystone Cop-esque hijinks. Is it raunchy comedy? Is it mutant erotica? Is it experimental surrealism?
Nope. It's Hollywood High. And it's the last Hollywood-themed T&A sex comedy that I will ever watch (or write about) in my life. You mess with the best, you die like the rest.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Yes -- the boobs, wigs, and barren interiors were all very easy to discern.
EXTRAS
Hollywood High II was on the shelf at Eddie Brandt's. A brief perusal of the box copy revealed that The Fenz was nowhere to be found. Are they serious?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Let's say, hypothetically, that you enjoy Hollywood-themed T&A sex comedies. Or, let's say you don't. Either way, the misconstrued wiles of Hollywood High will satisfy the yearning for disconnected insanity that exists within us all. Fenz wuz (definitely) here.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 06.09.10 | 
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