HOW
TO MAKE A MONSTER (1958)
Directed by Herbert L. Strock
RCA/Columbia Home Video VHS
Reviewed 02.24.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
As a young tot, I was dumbstruck
with fear over that upside-down
stalk scene in I Was A Teenage
Werewolf. You know the one.
Around the same time, I was constantly
checking out Denis Gifford’s
A Pictorial History Of Horror
Movies from the library. While
obsessing over the book for the
umpteenth time, I did a double-take
on a still shot of the werewolf
from Teenage facing off
against some kind of crust-faced
Frankenstein. Sacre bluah! Sign
me up! Since I never caught it on
TV, an actual viewing of the film
in question remained out of reach.
Nearly twenty years later, I’ve
finally gotten around to taking
in American International Pictures’
How To Make A Monster.
Far from the monster clash I was
expecting (and pretty much an overall
gip), this talky curio details the
unfortunate plight of movie make-up
artist Pete Dumond, a sourpuss who
seeks revenge against the new studio
owners who canned his 25-plus year
career. How’s he do it? With
the help of a secret make-up compound,
he hypnotizes two teenage boys (they’re
actors in the studio’s last
horror film) into being “obedient,”
“my boys,” and “completely
in control.” Hmm, sounds like
a closeted Hollywood scandal, eh?
Petey sends the guys, fully decked
out in monster regalia from I
Was A Teenage Werewolf and
I Was A Teenage Frankenstein,
to murder the Big Brass studio heads.
We also get a couple of nifty movie
set visits (See! John Ashley of
the Blood
Island films wail away in faux-Elvis
fashion!), lots of Pete diatribes,
and a fiery ending that was predictable,
but exciting. Melting monster masks
never fail to incite a few shudders.
Materializing from the prolific
and highly touted mind of Herman
Cohen (producer/writer), I was expecting
dynamite from the third and final
film in AIP’s “Teenage”
monster trilogy. While the backdrop
of the snarky “American International
Studios” was a welcome touch,
Pete and his assistant Rivero steal
entirely too much screen time. Although
the dialogue was often quirky (“They're
weirdies!”), the script left
these guys with four twiddled thumbs,
especially during the latter half
of the film. Could we please guillotine
the police interogations?! The monsters
were cheats, but the kill scenes
were virtuous in that giddy 50s
way. Director Herbert Strock knew
his way around in the dark, at least
on this set. Aside from a few other
high points (stressed cops, back
lot tours), my overall feeling is
obvious: more drooling monsters,
less meaningless talk. Even up the
scales, you know?
The rush of excitement has passed.
How To Make A Monster nearly
botched its neato concept with fuddled
execution. I’m a little let
down, but whatever; it was still
a good time.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
A nice watch. Blacks were deep and
the picture was ultra crisp. Film
damage wasn’t present at all
until the remaining 8 minutes of
the picture. Originally presented
as a color sequence in theaters,
the climax appears to have been
replaced by a soft ‘n’
scratchy black and white source.
No complaints on the mono sound.
Are there ever?
EXTRAS
Well all right. Since this tape
is part of the spiffy Drive-In Classics
collection, we get trailers for
Machine Gun Kelly, It
Conquered The World, Female
Jungle, and I Was A Teenage
Werewolf. Oh yeah, and a brief
Drive-In Classics montage.
FINAL THOUGHTS
If you’re looking for what
you think this film promises, give
up now. On the other hand, How
To Make A Monster provides
a breeze of Hollywood nostalgia
that can only yield a little “weirdie”
diversion. Unique, but not essential. |
Meet for brunch
Pete the skeeze
Easy on the geography
Give 'em a wick
|
