ISLAND OF BLOOD (1982)
aka WHODUNIT? Directed by Bill Naud
A.I.P. Video VHS
THE FILM
"Somebody is killing according to the lyrics!"
It's 1982. This is a slasher. The statement above undoubtedly guarantees that Island Of Blood is a force to be reckoned with. And then I fell asleep.
At some point during its production, Island Of Blood thought, "I need to get in shape. Blood Song is walkin' all over me with those damn flutes." So, the film severed the plot, upped the musical ante, and funneled the creative kills. Slim and healthy. Alas, after this epiphany, Island could not escape its own ego. Laziness crept in. Resting on its laurels, the film spoke openly during a brunch-time conversation with Humongous: "Bullshit! The music-themed kills are enough of a hook! People like to watch other people walking around on a dark island for minutes on end!" Humongous wholeheartedly agreed. How about you?
One island, one film production, one school, ten people, no phones; Island Of Blood, this is your life. As each one of our entertaining eccentrics (an angry balladeer, frustrated bandmates, a nerd, a mongoloid, a princess, a girl on crutches, and a Jazzerciser) eats death, a portable cassette-o-phone belts out a tinny punk song. Naturally, the lyrics appropriate each murder. Death by boiling water? "Boil me! Boil me!" Spear to the head? "Spear me! Spear me!" Nailgun to the back? "Nail me! Nail me!" Chainsaw inconvenience? "Saw me! Saw me!" Love it! Love it! Then, around the 45 minute mark, the unhealthy amounts of false scares, rehearsal scenes, and pitch black wandering taint the airwaves. Permanently. Blessed be our savior, for it be the snufferific ending.
Island Of Blood has the blooming, dirt-cheap slasher snarl down pat. Staccato synths. Graceless jump cuts. Perplexed performances. Brooding attitudes. It's almost enough to tickle fond memories of Satan's Blade or Honeymoon Horror -- two early 80s poopers which excel in defective consistency. Yet, even with the inclusion of some wonderfully baffling moments (the chainsaw/flowerbed hack-edits, for one) and a refreshing, unexpected climax, Island sinks during its second half. Everybody loves a good school hallway chase scene (c'mere Fatal Games!), but enough is enough. After twenty minutes of black-screen footstepping, we're left to connect the dots. But the patterns are too dark to make out. Does that even matter?
A little. Remember The Song.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
There was a big horizontal tape blip running across the bottom of the screen. It never left. The girl on the crutches looked directly at it. Twice. Coincidence? I think not.
EXTRAS
None, but a speedboat blew up and The Song replied, "Burn me! Burn me!" Therefore, The Song is not solely relegated to human suffering. A nice twist.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I feel for the Island Slasher. Island Of Blood graces us with a chincy, no-lose hook and somehow loses it. But, like Humongous, elements which appear detrimental, could, with future viewings, grow to be appreciated in conjunction with the good stuff. Time will tell. Until then, a watch won't hurt, but don't go out of your way to find a copy. And if you see a portable cassette player on the street, DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 08.09.07 | 
Bad azz
Island Of Shred
Face me? Face you!
Totally fake
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