|
MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE (1977)
aka THE HOLLYWOOD MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE
Directed by Evan Lee
Catalina Home Video VHS
Reviewed 03.15.07
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Any film with the word "massacre"
in its title makes life one billion
times better. Meatcleaver Massacre,
I wanna hold your hand.
Incomprehensibility is a finical
beast. Even a dangerous one. When
carelessly unleashed, it can lead
to unfortunate experiences such
as Runaway
Nightmare. The vile effects
spare no man. However, when applied
with steady calculation, "incomprehensible"
becomes not just a word, but an
heavenly entity. Truly, a being
almost too beautiful to behold.
Satan's Blade, Another
Son Of Sam, Invitation
To Hell; these films establish
a distilled infatuation with all
things abstract. Now, Meatcleaver
Massacre aka The Hollywood
Meatcleaver Massacre molds
that ideal into an experience which
lacks temporal footing. In effect,
Meatcleaver Massacre is
the Brigitte Bardot of inexplicable
1970s trash films. Je t’aime.
Christopher Lee sits in a cabin.
He wears plaid pants and stammers
through an introduction about satanic
Dungeons & Dragons myths. This
may be the most tedious four minutes
of your life. Fate steps in.
A dog named Poopers feels the knife.
Four college students stage a midnight
attack on a professor at home, murdering
his entire family. Everyone talks
in secret code. There are extraordinary
paintings. A spiritual force known
only as "BORAK" (who seems
to be psychically controlled by
the comatose professor) disposes
of the killers, one by one. Dream
coffins billow smoke. A guy tries
to commit suicide, then stops after
saying, "Oh Jesus, I'm late
for work!" An enormous detective
wears a miniature tie. Impressions
of Columbo anchor the act of a stand-up
comic. A wet, drippy Sasquatch claw
hides in a gas station. A man enjoys
extreme close-up sex with a voluptuous
woman in a Hollywood Boulevard smut
shop, then stops halfway through
to go home. Borak materializes (a
milestone). Finally, Christopher
Lee returns and notes, "One
day, at a Shaman
convention they held at the Hilton..."
Are you blushing yet?
There is no cause. There is no reason.
There is no meatcleaver. There is
only gratification. Meatcleaver
Massacre may have been intended
to resemble an actual film, but
we can let that slide. One-time
Director Evan Lee, like Night
Of The Demon's James C.
Wasson, ignores any hint of "selling
out". When you craft an irrational
masterwork as inscrutable as Meatcleaver
Massacre, it’s easy to
see why. Is this film a compilation
reel of downbeat, semi-related footage?
Is it an artsy, stoned homage to
Shriek Of The Mutilated
by way of Demon
Lover? Is it a hilarious-then-frightening
schizo on the verge of utter delirium?
Yes it is. Yes it is. Oh, yes it
is.
Drive-In
Massacre. Long
Island Cannibal Massacre.
Class Reunion Massacre.
Hospital Massacre.
Did I say that this endless list
makes life one billion times better?
Meatcleaver Massacre just
signed on. Make it ONE TRILLION.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
The print is faded, dirty, light
on color, and ghosts from time to
time. You’ll get a kick out
of it.
EXTRAS
"Disgusting make-ups by Don
Ling." Ling The King!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Bask within a heavenly body. The
utterly scarce Meatcleaver Massacre
is a baffling-yet-brilliant mess.
Violent, humorous, and extremely
bonkers -- a crusty 1970s trash
adventure which proudly takes its
place as a leader amongst The Massacre
Legends. Aside from Chris Lee’s
blabbermouthing, you’ll never
be bored. Make it yours.
Thanks to Eric Robitaille for
providing a copy of this film! |
C. Lee: SHAMANIAC
Good ink
I brake for Borak
Big knife massacre
|
