MONGREL (1982) Directed By Robert Burns
Paragon Video VHS
THE FILM
Paragon Video was based out of Las Vegas, but that has to be a misprint. Only Madison Avenue hotshots yield the gonads to plaster this gaudy painting of a three-headed devil dog onto a film with a final five minutes that MIGHT be considered "horror." I just hope "3-28-81-GAR" was well paid for his or her beautiful gift to the world of moderne art.
If I had to bet on it, I’d say you already know more than enough about Mongrel to skip a viewing altogether. In addition to our three-headed Rover, the absurd box art offers up this stellar bit of non-sentence copy to entice your bucks: "Vivid nightmares of a frightened man show people dying, bodies ripped apart." It's almost too much, huh? Funny, they forgot to mention the slowburn antics of a dozen greaseball morons stuck in a boardinghouse with nothing to do. Or the award-winning belches that stand in for dog growls during the "vivid nightmares" (aka dry ice and steadicam workout). I laughed, I dozed, I slept. And slept.
Since we're both here, I'll satisfy you with a few facts. Mongrel is the direct to video directorial bow from Bob Burns (talented art director on Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, and tons of others). The film does not feature a killer dog, three headed or otherwise, but it does have a Deep Throat pinball machine AND a JFK dart board. An upset canine briefly attacks a person, but his doggy mind is clearly focused on other things; like sitting down. As the mildly alluring premise unfolds (unseen force murdering house occupants), the public service announcement acting chops knock it dead. Kill scenes usually consist of a flashlight, some hershey's syrup, and a handheld camera. It's all very thriller-of-the-week until the final few minutes, when we get some inexplicable cannibal flavoring. By that time, my palette was singed.
Damn that box. I wanted a dog puppet, crudely edited into stock shots of mismatched action, grisly neon gore hanging from its foam rubber jowls. I got a cruel little thriller with a penchant for run-on scenes, bad edits (gotta love that fade!), and mumbling actors. At least the house looked nice and sleazy.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
As is usually the case with Paragon, this decades old VHS held up surprisingly well. The tape itself was slightly worn, but the print was pretty crisp, if a bit dark. The big box is almost falling apart and that's a growlin' shame.
EXTRAS
Just a quick announcement preceding the film: “This film has been rated R by King Of Video, Inc.” MPAA: take that and shove it.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Gaze and admire. Oh, what could have been! If it wasn't for the marketing scheme, Mongrel would've been OK. Someone needs to track down the artiste known as "GAR" and find out what the hell happened.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 09.30.05 | 
Whatsamatta U?
Light my fire
Belch-a-phobia
Shocked!
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