PESADILLA FATAL (1991)
Directed by Rene Cardona III
B&M VHS
THE FILM
I just had another Federico Kreugeruez nightmare. Fuck!
When I last saw Federico, he was not in my dreams. He was in Trampa Infernal, sporting his knife-fingered glove and a machine gun while picking off some teens involved with a bear contest. That was a solid movie. Now, Federico is back! Not only in my dreams. Again. But in Pesadilla Fatal! Unfortunately, Fed has traded in his machine gun for a little record player. But I don't mind that much. Because he still has awesome knives on his fingers (except when they're in my dreams, which I hate). And he has brought someone very special with him.
I once watched a film called Vacaciones De Terror 2. In this film, a young woman sang about getting punched on a sawdust-covered stage. Her name was Tatiana. At first, I was unfazed. The song appeared to be a pinch on Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now", which, let's face it, is not as catchy as The Fab Four's "Hey Mr. Tamborine Man". So why bother? Anyway, I was sitting at home one night, eating some peanuts, and watching one of my Maude tapes. Pretty cool show, by the way. Have you seen it? So I was watching Maude and I started thinking about that girl from Vacaciones De Terror 2. I don't know why. After Maude, but before Kate & Allie (pretty cool show my Mom told me about, have you seen it?), I decided to watch the movie again. Something happened.
I fell in love with Tatiana. I mean, really. This was it. The big one.
That was three years ago.
Being the reserved man that I am, I have yet to summon the courage to approach Tatiana about how I feel. Until that day arrives, I placate my deepest, most private sentiments by watching Tatiana's movies. Almost every day. Definitely every night. So naturally, you can understand my euphoria when the rarest of all Tatiana tapes arrived on my doorstep -- Pesadilla Fatal! Let me tell you, I loved this movie!
First of all, Tatiana plays a blind woman. Of course, Tatiana is not blind in "real life". But Tatiana achieves this effect by crossing her eyes, smiling, and staring at the wall when she's talking to guys (I'm not jealous, heh heh!). It works really well and I believed that Tatiana was really blind. Since the movie is in Spanish with no subtitles, I couldn't understand anything (Je parle français!), but I didn't really need to. Because the movie is basically about people talking in rooms while Federico stalks Tatiana and kills some people in Tatiana's family. The killings are bloody sometimes. Federico looks cool when he lurks around. Tatiana has dreams about Fed and I think that's when my nighttime problems started too. Fuck.
Anyway, Tatiana is so great in this movie! I absorbed every second that Tatiana was on my screen. Except for one part that I didn't like. It's this part where Tatiana almost kisses this guy. And he's taller than me. I mean, I'm like 6'8" or something, but he's way taller. Can you believe that? Tatiana, my beautiful Tatiana, almost kissing a fucking guy who's taller than me? I don't think so. I think Hollywood has some pretty fucking terrible ideas about the kinds of guys that Tatiana would be fucking almost kissing in Pesadilla Fatal. Which was a great movie, don't get me wrong. But Tatiana should not be almost kissing this fucking tall guy. I mean, it ruined the movie. I think I kind of hate this movie right now. I never want to look at it again. It's fucking shit. I love Fed and all (but not when he's in my fucking dreams, seriously), but really this is unacceptable stuff that they put in this movie. I'm really surprised. Really fucking surprised. So disrespectful.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Tatiana! You are gorgeous! I love your song, Tatiana! It's way better than Tiffany's! You have a pretty smile! Write me back at TATIANAIWILLMAKEUAHAPPYWIFE@BLEEDINGSKULL.COM!
EXTRAS
I heard that Federico Kreugeruez appears in Hindi movie called Khooni Murdaa. Is this true? Does this movie have Tatiana in it? Can someone send me a DVD-R so I can bring the DVD-R to Tatiana's place of residence and fucking confirm this shit with Tatiana?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Personally, I love Pesadilla Fatal! It has everything that a movie needs to be really good. Namely, Tatiana in the most poignant, sympathetic, sexy, progressive, challenging, soothing, pedantic, ardent, sexy, hot, blind, and life-changing role of her career. Tatiana is an amazing human being, a beautiful woman, and she will one day soon make some guy a very, very lucky husband (HINT!!). As usual, Federico Kreugeruez delivered a powerhouse performance, filled with blood and stalking. I fucking just wish he would get out of my fucking dreams. It's fucking getting fucking ridiculous.
P.S. Tatiana, that email address totally fucking works.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 03.10.11 |
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