THE PREY (1984)
Directed by Edwin S. Brown
HBO Home Video VHS
THE FILM
A stockbroker once gave his clients
the following piece of advice: "The
Prey. Invest. Trust me. Horror
flicks. Hot stuff with the kids.
Sit back and watch the money roll
right in." He then lit a cigar
with another tenner, sat back, and
marveled at the genius of it all.
Two years later, his "Where's
The Beef?" visor entertained
many lunchtime customers as they
attempted to answer that eternal
question: Double Stack or deluxe
Double Stack?
The Prey is both hilarious
and quaint in its disheveled simplicity.
The only horror outing from porno
director Edwin Brown, the film takes
the essence of the wooded slasher,
rips things down to the bare essentials,
and injects a filling dose of absurdity.
Four campers, two forest rangers,
and a cavalcade of nature's beasts
frolic to the thumping heart of
a forest-fire-burned, mutated killer.
It's just that easy. There's no
motive for anything and I only caught
two of the characters' names (Greg
and Skip, FYI). So take to the vagina
shaped waterfall, 'cause electric
boredom awaits!
In 1948, there was a large forest
fire at North Point Woods. Welcome
to the 80s. A couple of old farts
eat beans and comment on how good
they taste. Axe. Dead! From there,
four twenty-somethings enter the
wilderness and meet a forest ranger
(hey, it's Jackson Bostwick; Shazam!).
He performs children's limericks
for deers and rips it up on the
Banjo. Mr. Ranger also has a doting
partner in Jackie Coogan (Uncle
Fester from The Addams Family)
and they interrupt investigations
to discuss cucumber sandwiches.
Meanwhile, many beautiful creatures,
fresh from the hand of Mother Nature,
receive more screentime than our
leads. Once in awhile, a freakish
killer turns up to dish out some
major gore and gaze at a few almost-bare
boobies. At the climax, the cute
final girl realizes her true calling
as a modern woman of the 80s. Baby,
let's make babies. Life is beautiful.
Intentioned as a serious slasher,
The Prey ends up a miserable
failure; a padded mess of loose
tangents and wasted atmosphere.
Now flip the coin. With the right
mindset, the simplistic qualities,
generic environment, and twisty
ending turn the film into a living
urban legend. Now that's fun. Forget
the intrusive edits. Ignore the
baffling one sentence declarations
from cast members (A girl asks,
"Sure you won't change your
mind?" after five minutes of
sitting around, doing nothing).
Although the film is mostly incompetent,
there's a charm at work that's impossible
to fully ignore. So don't cold-shoulder
it, huh?
AUDIO AND VIDEO
During the first five minutes, there
was a fuzzy line running across
the top half of the screen. Then
another one showed up for a few
seconds. I was prepared for a tape
splice. Soon after, it was smooth
sailing; the print was bright and
filled with pleasant colors. Again,
life is beautiful.
EXTRAS
This is bullcrap. C'mon HBO, where's
the Waitress! trailer?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Despite some obvious problems, The
Prey has the comforting wooded
slasher schtick down pat. Ultimate
enjoyment will depend on your ability
to forgive and forget. I never could
hold a grudge.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 10.21.05 |
Lipstick turd
The 'Coog
Treehouse spill
Bear hug city
|
