REMEMBER ME (1985) Directed by Lex Marinos
Worldvision Home Video VHS
THE FILM
Oh, you bet I'll remember you.
I've noticed a pattern in 1970s/80s Australian horror movies. They're too long. In addition, they're fond of channeling American hits. Unlike Alison's Birthday, Sydney, Australia's own Remember Me plunders no blockbusters. Rather, it ransacks your temperament for 95 minutes, just like Deadly Possession did. The guy with the bloody machete (and phenomenal perm) on the front cover shows up, yet bears no gifts. However, there is one thing that sets Remember Me apart from the sluggish pack: The two leads did not shoot their shared scenes at the same time. Or place. That's worth a few laughs, right?
"Remember Me? I'm back!" These words are spoken not by Billy from Rocktober Blood, but by the guy with the perm. His name is Howard. After a stint in an insane asylum, Howard figured it was about time to shack up with his ex-wife Jen, despite the fact that she's married with two kids. Jen and Howard meet at a park (Zoo? Golf course? Hawaii?), but their eyelines and bodies never meet. Jen has artsy bad dreams that make Project Nightmare look like Fellini. She also throws plates of food at the wall. After loads of pointless conversation, the two ex-spouses make love. Why does Howard play with doves? Who dies at the end with the bloody machete? Is there a reason for the constant, slow glide camera techniques? I don't know, I don't care, and no. I hope I've made my point.
Remember Me has the advantage of a few decent actors, but the luck runs out there. Muffled with awkward piano cues and choppy edits, the film plays more like a back alley attempt at a Lifetime Original Movie than the "shocking and terrifying" horror its box art advertises. No problem there. The conflict lies in the sheer mess of it all; the mismatched shots, the pointless ending, the hilariously flawed script. Most of all, the film just refuses to call it a night. Thanks to my VCR, I'm happy to assist with that decision.
Remember you? I'll try. It's hard to shake a good night's waste.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
The print was extra clean. The tape was pretty muddy. The clamshell box art is still nice to look at. Should I get a perm?
EXTRAS
Worldvision's logo animation smells like nothing but class. They need some help with their smudgy FBI Warning screen, though. I'll send them Vestron's business card.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Don't bother seeking out the obscure Remember Me. I forgot to tell you that Jen's husband takes his pants off in front of the kids and neighbors in order to change a flat tire. See? How easy we forget the not-so-good times.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 11.16.06 | 
He's here...
...she's not.
Dream business
Life is beautiful
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