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REST IN PIECES (1987)
Directed by José Ramón
Larraz
IVE Home Video VHS
Reviewed 03.16.06
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
If I was granted one wish, I wouldn't
waste it on a Camaro or a thousand
bucks. Instead, I'd wish that everyone
in the world could hear the instrumental
theme song from Rest In Pieces.
Just once. After a bazillion eargasms,
I would be named President Of The
World, insuring tons of Camaros
and thousands of bucks with the
snap of a finger. We'd all win.
Sadly, after the first two minutes
of Rest In Pieces (ass-ripping
metal theme song by "Futurescore,"
freeze frames in an airport), nobody
wins. José Ramón Larraz
is the guy behind swanky 1970s eroto-horror
like Vampyres and The
House That Vanished. Here,
he directs us into a dark closet
of Isotoner slippers, big boobs,
and old farts with fake accents.
In other words, three tastes that
don't go great together. Rest
In Pieces is a barely tolerable
flake out of dispassionate, late
80s junk. There are a few striking
peaks, but we're also teased with
the promise of a "concert"
which ends up involving a string
quartet. Stop! In the name of Futurescore!
Feel the plight of Helen. She has
a permanent smile and the raw energy
of a turtle. Helen and her sensitive
husband Bob (Helen: "I was
young when my mother died";
Bob: "It's no wonder you can't
cook!") have inherited some
kind of condo/retirement community
and eight million dollars from Helen's
Aunt, who committed suicide on video.
Soon after, Helen drops Auntie's
ashes and they blow all over the
place. Oh shitties! Closets, car
headlights, and shower curtains
begin to have a life of their own.
Just when you think it can't get
anymore frightening, a group of
geriatric residents gores it up
with a room full of nerdy musicians.
Bob tries to ignore the French maid's
advances. Everyone might be dead,
but not really. The film still has
an hour left; DO YOU!?
And the ashes fall. Rest In
Pieces sets up a unique, EC
Comics-ripped script, but fugs it
up with poor composition and terrible
acting. It's like Ghosthouse
set in Evil
Town minus the Duran Duran
references. There's a light stream
of thick blood and a couple of jumps,
but the direction moves like an
old Sedan. When it putters, it stalls.
And when it stalls, the pace moves
right along with it. I doubt anyone
involved was paying attention. The
ending followed suit, but then Larraz
pulled a freeze frame and replayed
Futurescore's hit. Funny, but the
victory is strangely bittersweet.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Those spilled ashes flew further
than Helen thought. Tons of shakes,
weird horizontal line patterns,
a soft picture; the pits fit.
EXTRAS
Ugh, such pretension from our friends
at IVE Home Video.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Futurescore will make you dance
in your underwear. Rest In Pieces
will force your pants back
on. Aside from a few moments of
slight entertainment, there's no
reason to seek this film out. |
The Auntie Project
A night at the opera
Wurlitzer magic
Waste of a good mustache
|
