SAVAGE WEEKEND (1979) Directed By David Paulsen
Paragon Video VHS
THE FILM
How many taglines does it take to screw in a light bulb? That’s a hot one. I don't have the puncher, but Savage Weekend has six taglines to choose from. The answer's gotta be in there somewhere, right?
When Paragon plasters an entire box with dopey copy and omits a plot synopsis, the assumption would be that something's fishy. Even in the mid 80s. In this case, the hunch is right, but it's not as bad as you might think. Despite claims like "Makes “Texas Chain Saw [sic] Massacre Look Like Kid Stuff!" and "It will scare you to death!", Savage Weekend is not "The shocker of the 80s!" Instead, it's a badly acted nighttime soap, peppered with sullied Cinemax sex, tons of boobs, and some unsettling situations. And some wanton erotic cow milking. So sexy! Just so you know, Paragon isn't completely bonkers. The end of the film turns into an effective slasher, complete with a killer clad in a dimestore rubber mask and Brooks Brothers sweater. Man, that's raw.
If you want a who, what, why, where, or when, turn the tape off now. Essentially, five jerks (two limp couples and a gay guy named "Mother Nicky," who knows how to dish out some Van Damme-age) take a trip in the country to oversee the rehabilitation of a boat. Very gripping. Once there, they meet a gallery of nitwits, including Otis, a hired hand that talks to a tombstone. There's nude sunbathing with sizzling 80s babes, random sex with everyone (make way for that long distance shot of a guy's wang!), Fat Albert music, a burlesque striptease to terrible disco-samba, six boom mics (!), and a fish hook in the foot. Finally, someone grabs a rubber mask and goes to town. The deaths are unsettling (pin in the ear, tablesaw), but never bloody. The unmasking will surprise no one, but the chainsaw duel perks things up. Also, I have decided that mustaches just aren't that scary. Maybe the killer agrees?
Shot in 1976 as The Killer Behind The Mask, then wallowing in obscurity after a brief theatrical release, Savage Weekend has character issues. Big time. Director David Paulsen also helmed episodes of Dallas and Dynasty, so that's not surprising. The horror elements are in place and well accounted for, including a few gritty sets and somewhat effective cinematography (Gus Van Sant with no talent, maybe?). Unfortunately, it takes an hour of wading through dreary nonsense, bad continuity, and a truly hideous score to get there. Not to mention the copious amounts of awkward sexual situations, which stick out like a sore udder (Ho ha!).
Savage Weekend had a chance. The film was certainly strange, even a little frightening at times, but never disturbing. If the current wasn't so uneven, maybe Paragon wouldn't have had to resort to that Texas name dropping after all.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Double ouch. I have a feeling this tape is about to retire, with all the crackling, fuzzy lines, and picture haze. By far one of the most worn ex-rentals I've watched. The print itself was decent, just a little ragged at certain points.
EXTRAS
Now this is what we want. Following the film, gear up for 15 minutes of Paragon trailer trash, featuring The Pilot, God's Gun (hilariously bad western with Jack Palance), New Year's Evil, The Apple, Savage Weekend (featuring loads of cut footage, some of it pretty steamy), and Ruckus in Maddock County.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I was chosen. I was doomed. I prepared myself...but it was all for naught. Savage Weekend is not a lost slasher goldmine, waiting in the wings for rediscovery. Still, it's a little stiffer on the nerves than most towards the end, so not all is lost. Go in low and you might enjoy it.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 10.21.05 | 
Motherly love
Roughin' it
Now that I like
In Heinz we trust
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