SLAUGHTER HIGH (1986) Directed by George Dugdale
Vestron Video VHS
THE FILM
You love toilets, but hate jocks. You like cocaine, but prefer death by beer. I understand. Slaughter High, please don't fail us now.
With a hearty "April Fucking Fool's, ya mutherfuckers!", the late poop-sleaze producer Dick Randall (Pieces, Don't Open 'Til Christmas) bids you a warm reception. Speaking of crap, Slaughter High has plenty of it. Literally. If it's not the death via sewage drowning, it's the curious obsession with toilet bowls. Just like 1984's Don't Open 'Til Christmas, Slaughter High is a nasty, distraught slasher that takes place on a holiday and basks in dreariness. The basic plot of Class Reunion Massacre might pop in to spray some classy Glade, but then a woman says, "You bastard, I wet myself!" Mr. Randall, you were all heart.
Forget about Louis Skolnick; this is the real revenge of the nerds. Big time doof Marty Rantzen (Simon Scuddamore, who sadly committed suicide after filming wrapped) suddenly has bigger problems. The jocks 'n' babes pull off a series of horrible April Fool's pranks, resulting in the flippity-slap of Marty's wang and a face-frying explosion or two. April Fool's Day, five years later. The wise-crackin', cocaine-sniffin', beer-chuggin' gang has returned to Doddsville High. Class reunion or killer roust? Marty, his Jester mask, and handfuls of impalpable gore gots the answer.
There's nothing wrong with a lot of dirty sleaze. Judging from the eau de toilette fragrance, atypical gore, and ruthless sexual punchlines, Slaughter High would agree. Unfortunately, there's one thing we don't see eye-to-screen on. Pick up the pace! Despite a perfectly cruddy score from Harry Manfredini (ripping off his own Friday The 13th work), solid direction from George Dugdale (who would go on to helm Living Doll for D. Randall) and all those wonderful shocks, the 95 minute film drags for years while the cast arrive, investigate, talk, then investigate again. The chasing of final girl Caroline Munro (stylishly clad in a white circus tent) follows suit. Be grateful for the uncharacteristic creeps, thunderstorm atmosphere, and stupid-yet-brilliant ending; they're the caulk that keeps the cracks in check.
By the way, there's also a theme song, which repeats ad nauseam throughout the film. Marty Rantzen just made the grade.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Worn, soft, flat, and sometimes much too dark. It’s tops. Vestron's release is the full, uncut version of the film.
EXTRAS
"You know the rules." So says the trailer for China Girl. But do you?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Jocks, beware. Slaughter High might feel four days long, but there's always something dark and unpleasant to love. See it at least once, maybe twice if you are/were a big nerd. I watched it twice.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 05.11.06 | 
Marty Rantzen yuks!
Nose buffet
Oh, the panes
Shoe shits
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