SLITHIS
aka SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS (1977)
Directed by Stephen Traxler
Media Home Entertainment VHS
Reviewed 05.25.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled
upon a living dream. I was walking
along the sidewalk and noticed a
creaky old indie video store off
the beaten path. A sign in the window
read, “Going Out Of Business
Sale -- Everything Must Go! Cheap!”
Expecting the worst, I timidly entered.
Around the back of the store, on
one of the last shelves, was something
I wasn’t expecting. An entire
wall. Filled to the brim with old
80s trash and horror films. Happy
birthday.
Slithis was one of the
first boxes I picked up that day.
Clearly, the piranha monstrosity
on the front cover would rise far
above the typical slasher motif
that I had my grubby mitts full
of...“Finally, nature unleashes
its revenge! Hell hath no fury --
like Slithis!” Oh Slithis,
I had such high hopes for you.
Updating a 50s-styled monster romp
during the trash-bustling era of
the late 70s should be a no-brainer,
right? Add a little blood, a little
rooty-toot...How could it go wrong?
Slithis is an organic, radioactive
soil. When added with some recent
nuclear activity, this crazy dirt
creates instant life -- the Slithis!
After a series of murders occur,
a high school journalism teacher
decides to get on the case. Whatever.
Here’s what not to do in this
situation: Add some talk. Add some
more talk. Feature a ten minute
scene between two hobos discussing
whether or not they’ve “crapped”
their pants. Take twenty minutes
to get a soil sample. Add more talk.
Expound upon a few minor characters
who die five minutes later. Give
the Slithis five minutes of screen
time. Pad things out with a turtle
racing at a local bar. Is the Slithis
even in this movie?!
Imagine Creature From The Black
Lagoon with a little gore,
one boob, and a decaying-watermelon
monster. I know it looks good written
down, but don’t fall for the
allure. Slithis was painfully
slow, poorly composed, and lacking
direction. In other words, a big
bore. To add even more unpleasantness,
the film ran around 90 minutes,
annoyingly overstaying its welcome.
Yes, the ending was pretty exciting
and the Slithis monster was a trash-classic,
but...
AUDIO AND VIDEO
This tape has smoked one too many
cigarettes. It kind of smells and
I was somewhat reluctant to place
it in the VCR. Once I did, I noticed
that the print was quite dark, the
tape was pretty worn, and the sound
had a layer of hiss on it. Solid.
EXTRAS
No satisfaction.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Unfortunately, my mind’s eye
got the best of me. Slithis
was a big disappointment and severely
lacking on all fronts. Oh well,
back to the pile. |
Slo-mo frisbee action
Pulitzer, here I come
Why, hello Slithis!
And they all shed a tear
|
