SLITHIS
aka SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS (1977) Directed by Stephen Traxler
Media Home Entertainment VHS
THE FILM
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon a living dream. I was walking along the sidewalk and noticed a creaky old indie video store off the beaten path. A sign in the window read, “Going Out Of Business Sale -- Everything Must Go! Cheap!” Expecting the worst, I timidly entered. Around the back of the store, on one of the last shelves, was something I wasn’t expecting. An entire wall. Filled to the brim with old 80s trash and horror films. Happy birthday.
Slithis was one of the first boxes I picked up that day. Clearly, the piranha monstrosity on the front cover would rise far above the typical slasher motif that I had my grubby mitts full of...“Finally, nature unleashes its revenge! Hell hath no fury -- like Slithis!” Oh Slithis, I had such high hopes for you.
Updating a 50s-styled monster romp during the trash-bustling era of the late 70s should be a no-brainer, right? Add a little blood, a little rooty-toot...How could it go wrong? Slithis is an organic, radioactive soil. When added with some recent nuclear activity, this crazy dirt creates instant life -- the Slithis! After a series of murders occur, a high school journalism teacher decides to get on the case. Whatever. Here’s what not to do in this situation: Add some talk. Add some more talk. Feature a ten minute scene between two hobos discussing whether or not they’ve “crapped” their pants. Take twenty minutes to get a soil sample. Add more talk. Expound upon a few minor characters who die five minutes later. Give the Slithis five minutes of screen time. Pad things out with a turtle racing at a local bar. Is the Slithis even in this movie?!
Imagine Creature From The Black Lagoon with a little gore, one boob, and a decaying-watermelon monster. I know it looks good written down, but don’t fall for the allure. Slithis was painfully slow, poorly composed, and lacking direction. In other words, a big bore. To add even more unpleasantness, the film ran around 90 minutes, annoyingly overstaying its welcome. Yes, the ending was pretty exciting and the Slithis monster was a trash-classic, but...
AUDIO AND VIDEO
This tape has smoked one too many cigarettes. It kind of smells and I was somewhat reluctant to place it in the VCR. Once I did, I noticed that the print was quite dark, the tape was pretty worn, and the sound had a layer of hiss on it. Solid.
EXTRAS
No satisfaction.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Unfortunately, my mind’s eye got the best of me. Slithis was a big disappointment and severely lacking on all fronts. Oh well, back to the pile.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 05.25.04 | 
Slo-mo frisbee action
Pulitzer, here I come
Why, hello Slithis!
And they all shed a tear
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