STUDENT BODIES (1981)
Directed by Mickey Rose
Paramount Home Video VHS
Reviewed 03.08.07
Review by Dan Budnik

THE FILM
"I'll get it. I'm furthest from the phone."

I'm going to refer you to almost every other review of Student Bodies, so you can see the things people always say about Mickey Rose's 1981 slasher parody. Have you gone and looked? Awesome.

"I'm going to kill next at the football game. Click."
"Did you just hang up?"
"No. I just said 'Click'."

Student Bodies is fantastic. It's not so much Airplane-style as Take The Money and Run and Bananas-style (Rose co-wrote the last two with Woody Allen). It is definitely a parody of slasher films but it goes off on a couple of tangents and has its own special feel. The fact that Paramount released a parody of slasher films in 1981 (when these things were flying into the theaters fast and furious), is a good sign that folks pretty much knew that they had a pile of clichés on their hands which would be constantly reshuffled.

"Sometimes when a person acts wild and crazy, well, wild and crazy things happen to them."
"They do!"

I have watched Student Bodies seven or eight times. Every time I go into it, I expect to be disappointed. I always seem to think it starts strong and completely fades by the end. I realize that every time I watch it -- I'm wrong. Yes, it has its share of dud jokes and flat moments. It even has an embarrassingly bad joke or two in there. But, it is solid throughout, with the exception of some oddness in the last fifteen minutes. I'll get to that.

"Ladies & gentlemen, The Lamab High Marching Band! The finest marching band on this street at this moment!"

Lamab High is having its Big Day: the day of the Big Parade, Big Game and Big Dance. Also, the last day of school. And, thanks to two murders the night before, the day of the Big Funeral! So, every school-related slasher event we need gets touched on. The opening scene is right out of Halloween with the babysitter and creepy phone calls and her boyfriend visiting for sex. In fact, everyone spends much of the movie visiting each other for sex. Except for Toby Badger. Sweet Toby. She doesn't have sex but, I'll be darned, she winds up at the scene of almost every crime. Is she the killer? Don't worry. There'll be time to review before the end.

"We have dedicated it to those students who have passed on. For, like everyone else, even the dead love a parade."

I don't want to give to many of the characters and bits away. It dulls the comedy. The quotes I've scattered throughout will bring a smile to folks who know the movie but will not seem funny to those who haven't. I always come out of this film having enjoyed myself and thinking "Hey! Where's the DVD with the proper aspect ratio and fun extras?"

"One of the last bastions of decency is the gentle satisfaction one gains from making a horsehead bookend."

I always forget all the meta-goofing off that goes on during this film. The body count being registered on-screen. The fact that the film stops twice and goes off on little tangents. The captions on the screen that point out clichés in action. I also forget how funny "The Breather" is (he's the killer). He fades away as the movie goes on, which is too bad, but his ramblings are pretty darn good.

"Hardy, where am I? Cleveland?"

There is one rather strange thing in the structure and tone of the film. If it were done in an Airplane-style, it would stick to the parody all the way to the end. But, it doesn't. I think that's one of the reasons why I've always had a soft spot in my movie-watcher's brain for this one. Let me explain it as I see it:

The film goofs along and goofs along. About 65 minutes in, we are at the Big Dance. The Prom Queen competition has been canceled because all contestants but one are dead. So, the Not-Prom Queen and the school hunk go to the woodshop to have sex. The scene is odd. It's not funny. There don't seem to be a lot of actual jokes. The woodshop teacher (who generally is pretty funny) is hiding in a closet and sweating. The hunk leaves and…the killer arrives. All the killings have been really ridiculous up to this point. And, this one is too...sort of. The woman turns and says, "Oh, it's you. You brought me my crown." And, she is killed. At that moment, "Student Bodies" is indistinguishable from the films it is parodying. Just for a moment. And, it does something odd to the rest of the film.

"Mr. Peters, you're naked!"

There are jokes a-plenty from this point on and many are worth a smile or a laugh. But, the film suddenly has a bit of a mean sprit to it. Toby is chased wildly down a school hall but it's not a scene from any slasher film. The final Funeral has a good joke in it, but the scene is dark. The last five minutes, in particular, seem to be from a different, bleaker movie. As the movie draws to a close, it almost has that Return to Horror High/Slaughter High thing where it doesn't make sense. It sort of does but not quite. If it's a parody, maybe it's making fun of these films being over-complicated and confusing. Frankly, I could speculate beyond the end of this review. I think it's Mickey Rose spinning things around and taking the parody to different places. Making the end of a slasher or a parody or a slasher parody unpredictable is not a bad thing.

"What is all this?"
"It's from the Junior Class Play. They're doing a non-musical version of Grease."

I like Student Bodies. There's a difference in tone with parodies made years after the subject being parodied has floated out of fashion and parodies made in the midst of the excitement. Student Bodies makes me laugh and it makes me want to show it to a friend. I think that's enough.

"There's an old Welsh Saying: 'Dead men tell no tales, but they fart.'"

AUDIO AND VIDEO
Some of the wacky captions get cut off. (Luckily, the funny and clever opening one does not.) I'd love to see this properly letterboxed. The audio is early-80s VHS fine. The film itself looks exactly like Graduation Day or The Prowler or Prom Night, so if you're only half-paying attention you might think this is an actual slasher.

EXTRAS
Not even a Black Eagle preview.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Uneven and strange, Student Bodies still strikes me as the funniest of the early slasher parodies. It might just be a deranged slasher film in its own right. Why the producer went with "Allen Smithee", when the men who produced Humongous and Fatal Games put their names on those films, is beyond me. Is there a real guy named Allen Smithee?

"I need two balloons."
"I happen to have two."

No, Unhinged


Cluckity click


Late Nite With Lamab


Toby, are you serious?