THEY'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE (1984) Directed by Howard Avedis
Thorn/EMI Home Video VHS
THE FILM
It's true! They really are playing with fire. Somebody even says so in the movie. But guess who really feels the burn.
Subtlety is oftentimes a luxury. This week, I spent a bit much on a copy of Slashdance, so petty cash is thinned. I'm forced to be frank. They're Playing With Fire, a cheap sex-thriller which morphs into flimsy slasher, is notable for five things, and five things only. One, there's a random, thirty-second scene of a Santa Claus killer beating a woman with a baseball bat. Second, Dominick Brascia (Wizard Of Evil Laugh) provides Fat Guy comic relief. Third through fifth, ultimate 80s amazon Sybil Danning takes her clothes off and Does It. Twice on a boat and once in a dorm room. Turn on the hose.
A theme song reigns in Lita Ford, Loggins & Messina, bad tempo changes, and a bunch of boats. Yacht rock! In the flesh! From there, college guy Jay (Eric Brown, Video Murders) channels Leave It To Beaver whilst Professor Danning porks him. What's it all for? Well, Danning's husband (Andrew Prine, Barn Of The Naked Dead), has a big inheritance on the way. A scheme develops, but the reasoning is unclear. After more sex, grandma wheelchair antics, wailing guitars, a couple of murders, and Fat Guy belching, a killer in a ski mask utilizes Muppet Babies voice theatrics and you get to fast-forward through continual padding. The ending anticipates License To Drive's special kind of genius. Feldog and Haimster. We sure could use 'em now.
On with the frankness. If you're hot for Sybil Danning, They're Playing With Fire will make your day. As a contrast to the hilarity which often accompanies trash film sex scenes, the lust depicted here is a teenage fantasy, brought to life in living, pulsing color. The teacher. The student. Sybil Danning. Steam city. Contrarily, the rest of the film is a 96 minute bust. Vague, scrimped to the bone, and characterless, Fire delivers the utmost minimum in its chosen genres, despite technical competence from director Howard Avedis (Mortuary) and cinematographer Gary Graver (Trick Or Treats). Personality is nil. Enthusiasm is worse. The fire is out, but I'm still scorched.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Someone else played with fire! My ex-rental tape has a melted cover that smells like B.O. Terror On Tour and To All A Good Night are appalled. They've requested a new space on the shelf. I told them, "Hey, that's life!" and put on "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da". As for the tape itself? It looks just great.
EXTRAS
Thorn/EMI says: "Student Finds Himself Enmeshed In Muder Plot With Seductive Professor." What about the Fat Guy?!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Sizzle 'n' soak. They're Playing With Fire has a few peaked moments in terms of exploitation and goofs, but overall, it's a dullard. Need a good Santa killer? Watch To All A Goodnight. Searching for Fat Guy comic relief? Try Night Screams. Want to see Sybil Danning's birthday suit? Fine by me. One watch should suffice.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 04.26.07 | 
A pinch of Sybil
The Beav
Believe it or Claus!
He's thinking
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