TO ALL A GOODNIGHT (1980)
Directed by David Hess
Media Home Entertainment VHS
THE FILM
Hail, hail, the gang's all here!
Yes sir, what a swell holiday party
this is going to be. The guests
have arrived, everyone looks fantastic,
and the spread is marvelous. Now
where did we put those damn lamps?
To All A Goodnight keeps
it simple, so let's do just that.
This is the sole directorial cannonball
from Mr. David Hess. You might know
him as the guy who wrote a few hits
for Elvis Presley, leading to a
long and prosperous career in the
music industry. That, or his turn
as Krug, the sicko thug in Wes Craven's
Last House On The Left.
Or both. Who knows?! Regardless
of his past successes, one thing's
for sure. Mr. Hess was taking a
chance in 1980. The full length
Santa-as-slasher motif was still
a tiny chick, first presented as
a segment in Amicus’s Tales
From The Crypt from 1972. Hess’s
film precedes Silent
Night, Deadly Night by
four years and runs head to head
with Lewis Jackson's Christmas
Evil, also from 1980. Written
by Alex Rebar (The
Incredible Melting Man
himself!), this straight to video
greaser presents the fundamental
template for 80s slashers...and
throws in a killer Santa (with a
frightening mask) to boot. Unfortunately,
Hess and friends left the lights
in the warehouse, forcing their
film to be bathed in absolute darkness.
You'd think that would kill the
mood, but guess what?
Welcome to the campus of the Calvin
Finishing School For Girls, circa
Christmas break. Forecast: palm
trees, but no snow. Les bitches
are in full swing; drugging their
house mother, acting like drama
club dorks, and gearing up for lots
of sexy time with some random dudes.
The men arrive on campus in a private
jet (?!) and that crazy caretaker,
Ralph, warns that something evil
is going down. The synths quiver
with anticipation as the Ping Pong
table foreplay begins. Hots. Sure
enough, a killer in a warped Santa
mask and way-oversized suit starts
killing everyone off with alarming,
gore soaked glee. Wrenched throats.
Head in the shower. Mr. Kringle
also has a soft spot for burying
his victims in mounds of dirt. A
police chief in a plaid blazer shows
up, touches a girl's face. Partners
are swapped and an ugly policeman
scores. If you’ve gotta work
on Christmas, you might as well
do it up right.
See what I mean? Doesn't get much
more straight forward than that.
A senseless prologue, the crazy
caretaker, annoying, sex-obsessed
leads, flapping gore and nudity,
the twist ending; this is the key
to success. Although the darkness
and overbearing runtime get in the
way, nothing can stop the dumb-downed,
blunt momentum from reaching its
peak. Not even the joe-schmo direction.
To All A Goodnight is a
comfort bad slasher that plays it
straight. The film delivers on the
basest of expectations from this
era, but wallows in amateurish technicalities.
Kind of like a present you didn't
ask for that was OK, so it’s
for keeps anyway.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
I’ll give you three guesses
as to how bad this looks. And sounds.
Someone might have sat on the empty
box at some point as well.
EXTRAS
Grand prize! Nothing!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Apart from the nasty killer Santa
and our friend the blackness, there’s
nothing to distinguish To All
A Goodnight from the glut of
similar, low budget slashers from
the early 80s. In fact, that might
be the film's greatest strength.
If anyone in the room says that’s
a bad thing, hand over the coats
and show ‘em the door. Eggnog
Screamers for everyone!
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 12.22.05 |
I like a good party
A visit from Santa
Plaid zone
Clogged nozzle
|
