TOXIC ZOMBIES (1980)
aka BLOODEATERS
Directed by Charles McCrann
Videatrics Home Video VHS
THE FILM
Here's a philosophical situation
for you. You're walking in the woods.
There's a naked girl with a yellow
janitor's bucket. She's giving herself
a rubdown with a dirty-ass sponge.
Coincidence? Or something more powerful?
Toxic Zombies has invited
you to ponder this curious set of
circumstances. Grab a sponge.
Some days, it just doesn't pay to
harvest dope. Ask the group of twenty-something
hippies in Toxic Zombies
aka Bloodeaters. In a remote
wilderness area, our six grody peaceniks
are topping off a marijuana haul
that'll have them "set for
a year!" Federal agents sniff
out the kids and sadness strikes.
The government knows a good thing
when they see it. Under the leadership
of John "Martin"
Amplas, good ol' Uncle Sam crop-dusts
the area with an experimental drug
called Dromax. Call in the gore!
Hippies morph into progressive cannibal
zombies (with machete proficiency)
and people run. Now, we can take
it one step deeper.
Population is key. The threadbare
plot of Toxic Zombies is
nothing on its own. In fact, the
film might even get dead boring
at times...if it wasn't for the
inhumanly ridiculous characters.
A nerdy couple tear each other's
shirts to shreds before calmly doing
it for the umpteenth time. A comic
relief brother tells humdinger Polish
jokes. A cowardly father (aren't
they all?) gives his "touched"
son a dose of hard love: "Even
if he is retarded, he's got to learn
to get along in this world."
So true. And what about that son
of his? He's either mentally challenged
or constantly receiving a great
massage. You tell me.
Back on the surface, Toxic Zombies
does it all. Charles McCrann, a
one-timer director and sadly, victim
of the 9/11 attacks, presents the
film with a flurry of handheld shakes,
surreal gore, and pretty much one
location (the woods). The soundtrack
manages to snitch all the best parts
from Halloween, Zombie,
and Jaws, then shove them
together on a rusty four track via
the keys of a buzzy synth. The make-up
effects fly straight out of an Avon
gift bag and insects are everywhere.
The
Curse of the Screaming Dead
has met its master and Screen
Scaries didn't lie. Catch
my drift?
As for the girl with the yellow
bucket...I'm still trying to figure
that one out.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
No disappointments. The print is
slightly dirty, but bright and stable
for the most part. On a related
note, this extremely rare Videatrics
Home Video (huh?!) release is said
to be the only uncut version of
Toxic Zombies ever to appear
on home video. I can't confirm,
but the cheap goop sure does flow.
EXTRAS
Dirty-ass sponge not included.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The crazies are out tonight. Toxic
Zombies might catch you napping
from time to time, but there's no
shortage of cheap, unhinged fun.
So, who's got a good Polish joke
for me?
Thanks to Eric Robitaille for
providing a copy of this film!
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 05.04.06 |
Control yourself
Maps and girls
President, Misfits Fiend Club
Out of cover-up
|
