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TRICK OR TREATS (1982)
Directed by Gary Graver
Vestron Video VHS
Reviewed 10.28.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Since this film destroys any chance
of explanation during its opening
minutes, we need an immediate mental
substitute. Cue lil' Chris Graver.
He may be the most phenomenally
annoying 80s kid of all time; naturally,
a pundit by anyone's standards.
Scott
Schwartz, say yer prayers.
Gary Graver (that's Chris's Pops)
is an indie whiz when it comes to
the no budget film biz. With a mile
long resume spanning four decades
as a cinematographer, director (mostly
porn under the name "Robert
McCallum"), and editor, you
could throw a stick in the Graver
pond and hit anyone from David L.
Hewitt to Al Adamson to Fred Olen
Ray to Orson Welles. Written, directed,
shot, and edited by Graver, Trick
Or Treats is a vacuum of absurd
nonsense. Has your Halloween
night ever consisted of witching
hour performances of Othello? Flights
to Vegas parties in the midst of
trick or treating? Bimbo film editors
waxing poetic about their movie-within-a-movie
cutting prowess? If you're bored
into a stupor, don't fret. Every
five minutes, that lisping, pint-sized
Romeo by the name of Christopher
will pipe in with "Heh heh...SUUCCKKAHHH!"
and all will be well.
Early one morning, a wife (Carrie
Snodgrass) has her husband accosted
by the men in white, thrown into
a swimming pool, and corralled into
a straight jacket. That's some tough
love. Just take their word for it
-- he's "mad as a hatter."
Zing! Several years later, it's
Halloween night. The early 80s cardboard
decorations are hung with full force.
A professional babysitter named
Linda is called in for duty, as
Ms. Snodgrass and her new husband,
David Carradine, are off to Vegas
for a Halloween party. Christopher
(stand aside jerks, here comes Chris
Graver!), a miniature Brian Wilson
with a Houdini fixation, spends
the next hour terrorizing Linda
with fake blood and purple novelty
glasses. All the while, Daddy straight-jacket
stalks the streets in drag, freshly
AWOL from the asylum and itchin'
for some payback. Will he get it?
Fast forward while everyone walks
around the house, but don't dare
miss the overwhelmingly stupid freeze-frame
ending.
Trick Or Treats is easy
to sum up, but makes little sense.
This is a horror film with next
to no horror and a plot that runs
circles within ten minutes. In other
words, it's mostly dead boring and
features little in the way of technical
forte, but rings the weird-o hotline
off the hook. Inexplicably disjointed
situations are the saving grace
in a sea of pointlessness. Bums
asking for dates, ridiculous nut-house
scenes, Christopher throwing in
sly innuendoes about a "rocket"
to his middle aged babysitter...honestly,
what more do you need? Oh, some
primo Halloween night ambiance?
You're in luck. Hallow's Eve mirth
is thick as a melted Snickers bar,
with frequent trick or treat scenes
and those good ol' pranks that never
get old. I really enjoyed the fake
door knocker bit. Especially six
times in a row.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
I'm not 100% here, but this movie
may have been shot with a pair of
black nylons stretched over the
camera lens. Or on sets that were
built underground. Whatever the
case, the print is dark as pitch,
but otherwise decent. The chincy
library music and third rate power
pop took full advantage of the mono
muscle.
EXTRAS
Wouldn't you like to know...SUUCCKKAHHH!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Trick Or Treats has a knack
for doing everything wrong. However,
as an early 80s Halloween time capsule,
the proof's in the pudding. Plus
it's frequently hilarious. Hey,
there’s even a raccoon tail
on the front cover! Just spend the
$2 and get it already. |
The takedown
Squint and you'll see it
Wow, this guy must be CRAZY!!
"Dad, make sure you shoot my
good side..."
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